SUPER-FESTIVE SAUSAGE-CHEESE-BALLS
Here's what you'll need to get from your local grocer:
- ~ 5 lbs extra-hot Italian pork sausage
- ~ 2 lbs extra-stinky sharp cheddar cheese, grated
- ~ 2 lbs mozzarella cheese, grated
- ~ 1 lb Parmesan cheese, grated
- ~ 9 cups Pancake mix : all in one just add water
type
- ~ 2 cloves of garlic ~ optional and most rational people
will avoid them.
First things first, clear the kitchen of any innocent
bystanders. You'll need plenty of elbowroom to make these
Super-Festive Sausage-Cheese-Balls. Inlaws, room-mates, spouses,
pets and other stray animals will only get in the way
Now, once you've got the kitchen to yourself, wash your
hands, you filthy thing. You wouldn't want your guests to get
sick from the flecks of whetever's left on your hands from the
last time you wiped something you'd rather not talk about, now
would you? Didn't think so…
Now that you've disinfected yourself, take out all the above
ingredients and place them on the counter in alphabetical order.
Now look at the ingredients. Those bricks of cheese are gorgeous,
aren't they? Yes, they certainly are but you must resist the
temptation to make love to them, because screwing food that other
people are going to eat is naughty and wrong. I think it's
illegal, too, but I'm not sure.
Take the raw pork sausage and mush it up into a pasty
gruesome pile of ick. Then take the cheddar and the mozzarella
and grate it. If you don't have a cheese-grater, just use your
fingernails. Next, combine the pork ick and the cheese in a big
bowl with the pancake mix. Actually, you may have to dump them
into more than one bowl, seeing as this recipe makes enough
Super-Festive Sausage Cheese-Balls to feed everyone on your
cell-block.
Now, knead the disgusting, salmonella-infected mixture with
your bare hands until it is roughly the consistency of cat poo.
Roll this sick-making goop into wads roughly the size of a grown
man's testicles and roll them around in the Parmesancheese. Place
those puppies gingerly on greased baking trays.
Set your oven to 200/gas mark 5 and a bit. Now it's time to
take a break. Go play with cat or beat your kids or something
while you wait for the oven to pre-heat. Ding. Time to get back
in the kitchen.
Now, stick those puppies in the oven. They may put up a
fight, so remember… NO MERCY! As they cook, your balls may
smell funny, but that's okay. Twenty minutes later, your balls
will be golden brown and crusty, so take them out of the oven.
Let them cool for at least ten minutes.
Now all you do is pop your balls in your mouth and
enjoy!
