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The History Of The World
200,000,000 BCE
The begining of the largest and most successful cover-up ever.The gigantic landmass of Pangaea is broken up when huge volcanoes explode to the surface after the Atlantians carry out super-secret weapon tests.
67,000,000 BCE
Xenu, the Space Overlord, enslaves an entire planet, brings them to earth and blows them up with an atom bomb that looks like a DC-8 (at least, that's the story according to L. Ron Hubbard).50,000 BCE
9,000 BCE
These ancient Egyptians used mystical technology to aid pyramid construction.
33 CE
1533 CE
1916 CE
After destroying communism he settles in America.
1947 CE
1963 CE
1991 CE
1997 CE
2070 CE
Aliens Fondled My Bottom
Project Paperclip
Did America use scientific information from Nazi concentration camp experiments to put a man on the moon?
The theory: In September 1946, President Harry Truman authorised Project Paperclip, an operation to bring the true "spoils of war" - Nazi scientists - to the US after WW2. As a consequence, America reaped the information from six years' ethic-free experimenting in concentration camps.
Horrific pressure chamber experiments on Jewish twins helped build the first spacesuits, while Wernher von Braun's V-2 rocket technology - first used by Nazis trying to flatten London - was used in the Apollo space missions. To get around awkward visa restrictions, the dossiers of war criminals were rewritten.
Arthur Rudolph, for instance, was described in a 1945 file as, "100 per cent Nazi. Dangerous type. Security threat."
Indeed, he was a Nazi party member since 1931, and operations manager at a concentration camp-style factory where 20,000 workers died from beatings and starvation. But Rudolph's military file was hastily amended, and amazingly he became a US citizen after the war, eventually designing the Saturn 5 rocket used in the alleged moon landings.
A theorist rants: "These sdentists were given a simple choice;' says Byron Lavalle in his book, The Boys From Berlin.
"They could hang like dogs at Nuremberg, or go to work for Uncle Sam."
The official line: Truman expressly excluded anyone found "to have been a member ofthe Nazi party, or an active supporter of Nazism or militarism".
Plausibility rating: Project Paperclip
Clinton's skeletons
'The Clintons are powerful, and practising, witches'
Has US President Bill Clinton been involved in a string of
assassinations to protect his political career?
The theory: With BO-plus "mysterious" deaths attributed to Bill Clinton's demonic hand, even serious journalists are now taking notice.
At best, the sax-blowing Premier is simply unlucky: around 43 of his "friends" or associates have died in plane crashes in a five-year period.
Commerce Secretary Ron Brown, for example, died in 1996 when his 737 crashed in Croatia - three days before facing a grand jury indictment to which he'd rashly remarked,
"If I go down, the President is going down with me."
When examining the corpse, Croatian medics allegedly reported a bullet wound in Brown's head, but this couldn't be confirmed, as all the bodies were cremated - under the orders, say the theorists, of Bill Clinton. The list goes on.
James McDougal, Clinton's former Whitewater partner, had an apparent heart attack in solitary confinement days before appearing as chief witness for investigator Kenneth Starr.
Arkansas housewife Kathy Ferguson allegedly told friends she was sexually harassed by Bill and that her husband supplied Clinton with women. In 1994, she "shoots herself' behind the left ear. The gun is found in her right hand. And so on...
A theorist rants:
"Such a trail of dead bodies," say Christian theorists, the Cutting Edge Ministries, "is another strong indication that the Clintons are indeed powerful, and practising, witches."
The official line: Deputy counsel Vince Foster died of a shotgun wound days before giving evidence on the Whitewater Scandal. Bill Clinton told MTV:
"I feel very badly about Vince Foster, because he was my long-time friend. And it's always tragic when someone commits suicide."
Plausibility rating:Cutting Edge Ministries
Reverse engineering
Are all the modern technologies of the 20th Century
based on artefacts salvaged from an alien craft?
The theory: Most of mankind's major technological advances have occurred since 1947 - when, conveniently for over-excitable theorists, a UFO apparently crashed in Roswell, New Mexico. It's a short step, therefore, to conclude that man's phenomenal recent progress is not due to the diligence and intellect of our scientists but to working backwards from salvaged alien technology in Area 51.
Bizarrely, it's more mundane household items that spark suspicion. If theorists are to be believed, revolutionary devices like the microwave oven, infrared technology and even the humble transistor were all stolen from damaged alien craft in Nevada's Area 51 airbase. Accusations are also levelled at the miraculous silicon chip, and how computer processor power doubles like clockwork every 18 months.
Intel admits it has chips that perform one trillion operations per second millions of times faster than commercially available "cutting edge" processors. Is this superspeed technology regulated by governments, so the human race can acclimatise to science light years ahead of where we should be?
A theorist rants: "The military's black operations," gushes author Edgar Rothschild Fouche, "has perfected advanced gravity-defying triangular supersecret aerial platforms - at least partially derived from ET technology."
The official line: As their chips topped one trillion operations, Intel's vice president said:
"We could be at the threshold of robust scientific discovery."
Plausibility rating: Secret Government Technology
The weather machine
Could a giant antenna array disrupt the world's
communications... and control the weather?
The theory: 200 miles east of Anchorage, Alaska sits Project HAARP (High-frequency Active Auroral Research Program), the Pentagon's $100+ million "ionospheric heater" prototype. On completion, 180 towers will be capable of beaming out three gigawatts of high-frequency radio waves into the atmosphere.
Theorists, however, blame the project for everything from major powercuts to the downing of TWA Flight 800 - and say it could be used for Star Wars-like missile defence and even Lex Luthor-esque weather control.
Proof may lie in the array's patent. Held by contractors ARCO, it's very similar to an original HAARP invented by Texas physicist Bernard Eastlund.
Like 007's adversary Blofeld's diabolical plans, the patent describes the array "disrupting communications over a large portion of the earth" and enabling "missile or aircraft destruction, deflection, or confusion". Worse, by heating charged particles, it could alter wind patterns or focus sunlight on specific portions of the Earth in effect controlling the weather.
A theorist rants: "The government will say it isn't so," said Eastlund in a recent radio interview. "But if it quacks like a duck and it looks like a duck, there's a good chance it is a duck."
The official line: The US Navy and Air Force maintain the array will "observe the complex natural variations of Alaska's ionosphere." Plausibility rating: Weapons Of Total Destruction
The modern plague
Is AIDS,
so far responsible for around 17 million deaths, not a mutated
ape virus after all- but an attempt to build the perfect
biological weapon?
The theory: Ever since AIDS emerged in the Seventies, conspiracy theorists have argued that HIV was manufactured by international governments to decimate society's "useless eaters" - a clumsy attempt at population control. Proof of the motivation, they say, was a Seventies National Security memorandum penned by Henry Kissinger - which identified Third World overpopulation"as a security threat to America.
The government's "solution" however, was more sinister. Scientists noted significantly higher infection rates among Latinos, Native Americans and blacks. How was it, they wondered, that a virus seemed to be differentiating between races? Then came the official documentation: in 1969, the US Congress granted the Defence Department's Biological Warfare Division $10 million to develop a new artificial biological agent. The military's Dr Donald MacArthur outlined a virus that
"does not naturally exist and for which no natural immunity could have been acquired"
and would also be a reality by the mid-Seventies. If so, say theorists David Southwell and Sean Twist, was a Hepatitis B vaccine - issued to several thousand gay men in New York and San Francisco in 1978 - the plague's delivery mechanism? By 1984, more than half of those men were diagnosed with HIV.
A theorist rants: "This calamitous disease," say Southwell and Twist, "which could wipe out the human race, has slipped out of a man-made Pandora's Box."
The official line: Scientists at the University of Alabama proved in February 1999 that the chimp SIV virus crossed to humans - probably after a harrnless little monkey was killed for food.
Plausibility rating: AIDs As A Weapon Of War
Mars attacks!
Are international space agencies suppressing pictures of
buildings and monuments on Mars?
Orthodox priests were called to mission control to discuss the images
The theory: It was Picture 35A72, beamed from the Viking space probe in 1976, that first made fans of shabby Fifties sci-fi all sweaty. Bang in the middle of the Red Planet's Cydonia region grinned a huge "face" in the Martian soil: 1.6 miles long, 1,500 feet high and the same proportions as the Egyptian Sphinx. NASA quickly dismissed the features as natural erosion, but boffins had done their sums.
Nearby - forming a perfect equilateral triangle with other features - lay a huge fivesided pyramid, two miles wide and with a precise mathematical design. This was too much of a coincidence. Further proof emerged from Russian probes, launched in 1988. After the Phobos 1 explorer was "lost" en route, Phobos 2 photographed a dark cylindrical object on one of Mars' moons - before it too was destroyed in open space.
Phobos's final photo was never released; instead, in the middle of the night, orthodox priests were called to Moscow mission control to discuss the images. Theorists then breathlessly awaited results of the Mars Observer, launched in 1993 to re-photograph the Cydonia region. But three days away from the planet, NASA reported the probe had vanished - just as subsequent probes have similarly "failed".
A theorist rants:
"This is the 'smoking gun' that proves that something extraordinary has been happening in the solar system,"
says former NASA specialist Richard Hoagland,
"something that up until now, we have not been 'permitted' to know."
The official line: "The new Mars Global Surveyor images strengthen the conclusion that the Cydonia features have been produced by natural processes," says a NASA spokesman.
Plausibility rating: The Universal Seduction
Moon landings
Was Armstrong's 'giant leap for mankind' simply footage of an Earth-boundjump slowed down
Was mankind's greatest endeavour - Neil Annstrong scuffing his size 10's on the lunar soil on July 20 1969 - simply footage faked in a TV studio in the Nevada desert.
The theory: In the Sixties, Russians were first to put a man into space - in response America needed a PR stunt to show it was winning the Cold War. But, says theorist Bill Kaysing, NASA scientists realised that high levels of radiation in the Van Allen Belt would make a lunar voyage impossible. Instead, a huge sound stage was built 100 miles north of Las Vegas in which to fake the whole moon landing thing. .
But even with Stanley Kubrick allegedly directing this Land-locked 2001, mistakes slipped through. Neil Armstrong's epochal muttering "It's one small step for a man..." - is barely audible above interference, yet accompanying film is almost crystal clear. Also, the moon's gravity is one-sixth of the Earth's, so Armstrong should have been springing at least a Zebedee-trouncing 6ft into the air. Yet, huffing and puffing, he only manages a girly 18 inches: was this "giant leap for mankind" simply footage of an Earth-bound jump slowed down?
Perhaps more convincing is the lightsourcing evidence. In sunlight, coming from 90 million miles away, shadows should be paralleL. Yet surface photographs show rock shadows on the ground point in an arc towards a nearby vanishing point, such as a studio Lamp.
Moreover, photographs show that reflections of "the sun" cover 25 per cent of the astronauts' visors - suggesting there was a huge light source extremely close to the action.
A theorist rants: "Whistle-blowers have encoded the information needed to discover this sad truth," says award-winning film and TV producer David Percy. "There can be no acceptable defence for such dishonesty."
The official line: "Thirty years ago, humans walked on the moon - the greatest feat of modern man," said a NASA spokeswoman.
Plausibility rating:Bad Astronomy
Heil the Royal Family
Is
MI6 secretly working against the British govemment - instead,
fighting for world domination on behalf of the Queen.
The theory: Peter Wright's Spycatcher book first suggested the intelligence services didn't always act for democratic interests. It exposed a Seventies MI6 plot to destabiLise the Labour government and oust pipe-toting PM Harold Wilson. 'Revelations of plans to make Britain America's 51st state set conspiracy theories in motion: had Wilson resisted the Royal Family's plans to combine the world's two biggest English-speaking nations?
The British government's discomfort around the secret services continues today.
Indeed, when a Chinook helicopter crashed on the Mull of Kintyre in 1994, rumours flew that the government - maybe even hare-lipped Premier John Major himself - ordered the deaths of the 15 senior intelligence officers onboard. But theorists see the Royal Family's cloven hoof on the trigger: mumbling darkly that the Queen's council runs the Virginia Company, a mysterious cabal that controls major world banks and security services.
A theorist rants:
"The Royal Family," says Diana crash theorist Jonathan Quinn, "is a major player in the high stakes game of the New World Order and international arms sales."
The official line: The intelligence act of 1994 defines MI6's role as working "in the interests of national security and... the economic well being of the UK".
Plausibility rating: The Spycatcher Case
The Vatican Dons
'Hitler was a pawn raised by the Vatican to serve her purpose. As
was Mussolini'.
Is the Vatican - under the control of the Mafia - starting wars in an attempt to install a New World Order?
The theory: Ever since popular T-shirts suggested that the Pope may, in fact, smoke dope, theories on the Roman Catholic church have multiplied. Conspiracists say the Vatican has gone as far as starting two World Wars to consolidate its power.
The idea was to establish international peace post-war, transferring power to the UN, while countries' crippling debts would ensure obedience to the World Bank. The Papacy could then step in and assume control. A nonaggression pact with the Nazis meant no matter who won, they'd be on the winning side; in return, the Vatican sheltered war'criminals. But is there Mafia power behind the throne?
John Paul I was the first Pope to find deep corruption within the Vatican - and investigated the hugely influential Vatican Bank. He died in 1978 while apparently reading reports on Mafioso involvement; the reports went missing, and a death certificate for the Pope was never issued.
A theorist rants:
"Hitler was a pawn raised by the Vatican to serve her purpose, as was Mussolini" SH Venour, author of The Counterfeit Kingdom.
The official line: The Roman Catholic Nostra Aetate proclaims the Vatican's role as promoting "unity and love among men... one is the community of all peoples, one their origin... one is also their final goal, God."
Plausibility rating:How The Cross Courted the Swastika For Eight Years
Form adapted from Turn Left