Are You A Drema?
Desperately Resisting Early Middle Age.
There's a new breed of people who talk
like a children's TV presenter, dress like teenagers and just
can't grow old gracefully. Sounds like anyone you know?
Those people are DREMAs ~ Desperately Resisting Early Middle Age.
Well in to their thirties, and beyond, a DREMA will convince
themselves that they are still at the cutting edge.
Unfortunately, the sorry truth is that they never quite have
their finger on the pulse so there's always something that will
give them away.
If you think that, er, a friend of yours may be a DREMA,
here's what to look out for...
Talking The Talk
Hip or cool expressions can be
a struggle for the DREMA. In fact they are not even sure if the
words hip or cool are even hip or cool any more. To compensate,
they pepper their conversation with phrases from the past four
decades ~ groovy, cool, fad, bad, rad, pants, that's so
not good, etc ~ in the hope that at least one of these will be
considered hip or cool. This causes confusion when talking to the
bank manager and embarrassment - at least for their children -
when they pick up their kids fron school.
For some reason, they have decided to replace that they should
replace the expression "all of the time" with the American phrase
"24/7" - but somehow manage to make it sound like a rugby score.
One of the things they fail to grasp is that slang is an informal
and often entertaining part of the language and occupy the middle
ground between personal expression and utility.
A Bit Tat-Too Far
Facial piercings are hugely popular with DREMAs. The stud at
the side of the nose is the most popular as this can often be
mistaken for a youthful zit. Least favourite is the one beneath
the lower lip, as this all too easily can be mistaken for
drool.
DREMAs also love tattoos. They rarely choose the type that
feature a partners name, however, as this sends out the wrong
signal, - especially if the name appears to have been altered
several times with a ballpoint pen. The more adventurious DREMA
will have their tattoo applied to the sort of doby part
traditionally kept under wraps. But, of course, nowhere that it
could be hidden by irritatingly subborn roll of fat.
Crimes Of Fasion
Fashion wise, you can spot a DREMA a
mile off. For example, it would be perfectly acceptable for them
to wear trainers, but the DREMA tends to go for the excessively
vibrant sort, with florescent markings, hot pink on the right
side, gray on the left with dashes of baby blue, or flashing
lights in the heels. These should only be worn by the under tens
and those with a mortal fear of getting run over.
Don't you just love those tongue-in-cheek T-shirts with a witty
slogan or a celebrities name emblazoned across the front? Well,
so does the DREMA. In fact, many have some print up though,
sadly, it doesn't say FCUK, Britney or Madonna - who they've
never heard of - but John Peel or Des O'Conner.
The DREMA will also often sport a mottled, purple complexion.
This is not caused by tan-in-a-bottle gone wrong but the result
of holding in their stomach whilst wearing a skimpy T-shirt.
Phon-y Ring Tones
DREMAs love their mobile
phones to be chic and petite and chock full of electronic marvels
because it's an "I'm at the cutting edge" statement and clued up
as ever. "I'm so cool I've even programmed it with my personal
ring tone. Unfortunately, it speaks volumes about them when they
are out with their mates and the phone rings - to the tune of
Duran Duran.
Class Distiction
The DREMA is most comfortable in mainstream company where they
hope that their extraordinarily youthful style will get the
dullards talking. School parents evenings are a great opportunity
to spot DREMAs. The typical DREMA dad is the one who, while being
given their childs progress report from his child's form teacher,
will refuse to switch off his Walkman. The DREMA teacher,
meanwhile, has turned up in a "Frankie Says..." T-shirt.
The DREMA will also be tempted to catch up with old classmates
at their old school reunion - provided it's held in a room lit
only by a single 40 watt bulb. Once there, they'll be anxious to
convince their old chums that they haven't changed a bit, other
than the fashionable re-spelling of their christian name.
Reunions are one place DREMAs can't lie about their age,
though it's become second nature everywhere else. An optomistic
DREMA will insist that they are five years younger than they
really are, and hope nobody questions this. The less confident
will say that they are five years older and wait for someone to
exclaim "Gosh, you don't look it!" Of course, this is a serious
ego-crusher when they don't.
Out Of Tune
One the daily school run, the DREMA has the perfect
oppertunity to show off their youthful credentials. s they pull
up to the gate they'll have Radio One's Breakfast Show thumping
through the car stereo, with the windows wound down just enough
to ensure that their childs friends - and their perants - can
hear it. Moments later, after they have left the school grounds,
they'll be winding the windows back up and swithing back to Terry
Wogan.
They proudly own every album by Fatboy Slim, The Chemical
Brothers, Kylie and The Cheeky Girls, and makes sure they are
prominently displayed to impress visitors. It would be more
impressive if they weren't all still shrink-wrapped.
Sushi Or Not Sushi?
For obvious reasons, the DREMA idolises
trendy chefs and any recipe or dish that trendy 'happening'
resaurants are serving. They will take a leaf out of their books
to impress their dinner guests by serving up a delicious
selection of thoroughly modern sushi. It will be over in the
corner, keeping nice and warm in the Hostess trolley, or they
will have deep fried it.
As you'd expect, DREMAs are not big on birthdays, and whatever
you do, never send them a present by special delivery. The female
DREMA will flatly refuse to accept anything that requires her to
answer the door at 7.30 am without her make-up on, and the male
DREMA absolutely not be seen opening the door dressed in his
paisley pattern jimjams and comfy slippers.
Feeling The Burn
Exercise is central to the DREMAs routine. At the gym they
make themselves unpopular by hogging the buttock toning machine.
The DREMA may also take up skate or snowboarding, although not
before they've joined BUPA.
As for taking care of their other bits, they've reached the
stage were they can look at the ad for nose hair trimmers without
bursting out laughing. Off-duty, the DREMA makes a point of going
clubbing every weekend, even though they secretly longs for the
DJ to play "Hi-Ho Silver Lining".
