You Know You're Getting Old...

When Checking Out The Action Means ~ Choosing A Laxative

I'm not old, I'm in the prime of senility

Longevity: Uncommon extention of the fear of death.

You Know You're Getting Old...

• ~ When it takes you all night to do what you used to do all night.
• ~ When you have all the answers ~ but no one asks you the questions.
• ~ You stop looking forward to your next birthday.
• ~ There's too much room in the house but not enough in the medicine cabinet.
• ~ You get winded playing chess.
• ~ The candles on your birthday cake are a fire hazard.
• ~ You look forward to a dull evening.
• ~ When you're disturbed in the bath and you don't know which bits to cover first.
• ~ You're still chasing women but can't remember why.
• ~ You finally get you head together but your body falls apart.
• ~ You and your teeth don't sleep together.
• ~ There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

Whenever a man's friends begin to compliment him about looking young, he may be sure that they think he is growing old. Washington Irving.

Old age puts more wrinkles in our minds than on our faces. de Montaigne

Every man over forty is a scoundrel. George Bernard Shaw.

“Age… Is a matter of feeling, not of years.” George W. Curtis

“Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you’re alive, it isn’t.” Richard Bach

“If wrinkles must be written upon our brows, let them not be written upon the heart. The spirit should not grow old.” James A. Garfield

“The old believe everything; The middle aged suspect everything; The young know everything.” Wilde

“It matters not how long we live, but how.” Barrie

You will recognize, my boy, the first sign of old age: it is when you go out in to the streets of London and realise for the first time how young the policemen look. Seymour Hicks.

The young have aspirations that never come to pass, the old have reminiscences of what never happened.

• ~ Dialing long distance tires you out.
• ~ Your mind makes contracts that your body can't keep.
• ~ You confuse having a clear conscience with a poor memory.
• ~ People no longer see you as a hypocondriac.
• ~ You start to say things like "when I was your age I was much older."
• ~ When your childhood toys are in a museum.
• ~ When even your pets can't stand to see you naked.
• ~ You have a party and the neighbours don't complain.
• ~ When Happy Hour is a nap.
• ~ When it takes you twice as long to look half as good.
• ~ People call at 9pm and ask "did I wake you?"
• ~ You sink your teeth into a steak ~ and they stay there.

There are so few who can grow old with good grace.

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. ~Doug Larson

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. ~Mark Twain

Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. ~Samuel Ullman

You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear; as young as your hope, as old as your despair. ~Douglas MacArthur

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis

Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone. ~Jim Fiebig

The years teach much which the days never knew. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~Sam Ewing

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. ~Mark Twain, Following the Equator

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. ~George Bernard Shaw

There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward. ~John Mortimer

Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative. ~Maurice Chevalier

Old Time, that greatest and longest established spinner of all!.... his factory is a secret place, his work is noiseless, and his hands are mutes. ~Charles Dickens

Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. ~Author Unknown

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. ~John Barrymore

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were? ~Satchel Paige

Father Time is not always a hard parent, and, though he tarries for none of his children, often lays his hand lightly upon those who have used him well; making them old men and women inexorably enough, but leaving their hearts and spirits young and in full vigour. With such people the grey head is but the impression of the old fellow's hand in giving them his blessing, and every wrinkle but a notch in the quiet calendar of a well-spent life. ~Charles Dickens

The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. ~Bob Hope

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. ~Caryn Leschen

Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age. ~Victor Hugo

Years ago we discovered the exact point, the dead center of middle age. It occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush to the net. ~Franklin Adams

Everyone is the age of their heart. ~Guatemalan Proverb

There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look. For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. ~Author Unknown

Youth is a disease from which we all recover. ~Dorothy Fulheim

There was no respect for youth when I was young, and now that I am old, there is no respect for age - I missed it coming and going. ~J.B. Priestly

I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now. ~Author Unknown

Age is a high price to pay for maturity. ~Tom Stoppard

By the time I have money to burn, my fire will have burnt out. ~Author Unknown

The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity. ~Mark Twain

• ~ You have given up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.
• ~ It takes you two attempts to get up from the couch.
• ~ Your new chair comes with more options than your car.
• ~ You regret all those temptations you resisted.
• ~ You check the obituaries to see who you've outlived.
• ~ Everything either hurts or doesn't work.
• ~ The little gray-haired old lady you help across the road is your wife.
• ~ The best part of the day is over when the alarm clock goes off.