Insults ~ Oaths ~ Curses ~ Putdowns

When Something More Than **** Off You **** Is Needed

Take heed of this handy little guide and impress your family, friends and anyone passing by when you produce an imaginative and inventive stream of invective.

Feel free to use my insult generator at the bottom of the page, or my automatic curse maker.

Curses

May the fleas of a thousand camels lodge in you armpit.
Arab curse.

May you live in interesting times.
Chinese curse.

Try a few of these when some one upsets you.

• May the snails devour your corpse,and the rains do harm worse. May the devil your hairy body soon.
• Woe to you, you dirty fellow. You've filthied me!
• A red nail on the tongue that said it.
• The treatment of the boiled broken little fish to you.
• Six horse-load of graveyard gravel on top of you.
• I pray to the powerful Creator that you may go as high as the shaft of the missile and in the clouds of heaven as any bird, and may the death at spear point come to you.
• Derangement and madness on your mind come soon.
• May the curse of curses in sorrow prostrate you now.
• Go to the dickens.
• The devil sweep him.
• Your soul to the devil.
• May the devil make a fool of you.
• In hell may you be because of your sins.

---

• No butter be on your bread,nor on your ducks a web. May your child not walk and your cow be flayed. May the flame be bigger and wider which will go through your soul than the Connemara mountains if they were on fire.
• O Jesus, dear God and father of the lamb.Who sees us in fetters and in bondage so hard. As you made us Christians between Friday and Monday protect us now from this scum.
• I bind you by grave injunctions of magic from the river, back to the river. May you fall in a nettle patch, may savage dogs eat you one inch at a time.

• A child be within you forever unborn.
• A high windy gallows for him.
• The curse of widows and orphans on you.
• A red stone in your throat.

May you itch every day of your life and have no hands to scratch with, and may you live for ever if you don't sign My Guestbook.

~ Oaths ~

Probable the easist to master because there are so many things to swear by.

Swearing by what's important to you:
Upon my manhood!
By my sister faith and honour!
Stab me vitals if that's a lie!

Swearing by the gods.
By Odin, screwed again!
Upon Zeus's head! It wasne me mister!

Swearing by famous figures;
By the left tit of the triple-breasted whore, I deny it!
By George I'm lost again.

~ Putdowns ~

Don't you know that you're depriving a village some where of an idiot?

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronouce.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

What am I? Flypaper for freaks?

I'm not being rude.You're just insignificant.

I wish I could buy you for what you're worth and sell you for what you think you're worth.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

Thank you. We are all refreshed and challanged by your unique point of view.

I will always cherise the initial misconceptions I had of you.

It's a thankless job, but you've got a lot of karma to burn.

How about never? Is that good enough for you?

You sound reasonable ~ time to up my medication.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try to be smarter.

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

Who me? I just wander from room to room.

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

At least I have a positive attitude about my distructive habits.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

---

Unmitigated noodles. Kaiser Wilhelm 11 on England.

The great thing about Glasgow now is that there is a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.
Billy Connolly.

For the Irish there are no stars in the sky.
English saying.

If you're going to America, bring your own food.
Fran Lebowitz.

Cross yourself once on crossing the Andalusian and thrice on spotting an Italian.
Spainish saying.

The ordinary Britisher imagines that God is an Englishman.
Bernard Shaw.

My Rinky Dinky Insult Generator

The generator is so simple to use that even a drooling,claybrained gerbil-kisser could use it. Simply select one where it says Select one, than add it too Add This and finish with Finish With

Try using alliteration ~ vanish, vile vacuum-brain, as this can be quite effective.

Drive the point home with hyperbole, and repetition ~

Begone. you're nought but a raggerly-assed, numb-brained scumsucker.The pathetic spouting and and persistant purile whining drive me to distraction.Hie you hence to bedevil another poor soul.

With luck, they'll be so impressed that you'll be able to get a good headstart before they start chasing you.

~ Start With ~	~ Add This ~	~ Finish With ~
aimless	antisocial	asskisser
artless	alleybred	artichoke
blundering	boil-laden	bladderwart
beardless	braindead	brown-nose
childish	cackhanded	creep
churlish	claybrained	codwalloper
dreadful	drinkdulled	drooler
doltish	dogbreathed	dullard
erratic	earbiting	excrement
excitable	elephantine	error
fawning	follyridden	footlicker
fleabitten	flapjawed	fool
goatish	giddyeyed	grabass
goulish	grandstanding	gerbilkisser
halfwitted	hedgeborn	hellcat
hellacious	horrorible	harpy
insolent	insignificant	insect
incompetant	irritating	inbreeder
jumpedup	jerking	jabberwocker
jaded	jackless	jaywalker
knotheaded	keyless	kowtower
keening	knock-kneed	klepto
limp	loutish	lamebrain
luckless	lice-infected	laggard
mumbling	motleyminded	miscreant
mouldy	mealymouthed	malingerer
noisy	noaccount	nonentity
niggardly	nutless	necromancer
oozing	offending	obfusticer
obdurate	obsequious	owlchomper
pauncy	pizza-faced	pustule
puny	poxridden	pimple
queer	quailing	quisling
quarrelsome	questless	quiter
rank	rough-hewn	rascal
reeking	rateating	rapscallion
surly	sagbellied	sloth
slobbery	slackjawed	strumpet
tottering	toadlicking	trollop
thankless	thieving	troll
ugly	ungodly	urchin
vain	villainlike	varlet
wormy	wanton	wagtail
xanophobic	xyloidish	xylonite
yakking	yeast-smelling	yammerer
zany	zombie-loving	zero

A sharp tongue does not mean that you have a sharp mind.

Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?

Brains aren't everything, in fact in your case they're nothing.

Don't let your mind wander - it's far too little to be let out on its own.

He always finds himself lost in thought -it's an unfamiliar territory.

He doesn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'... but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words.

I don't know what makes you so dumb, but it really works!

I don't think you are a fool. But what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others?

I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe somebody will adopt you.

I would ask you how old you are, but I reckon you can't count that high.

I would have liked to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn't understand me.

If what you don't know can't hurt you, you,re practically invulnerable.

If you were twice as smart as you are now, you'd still be absolutely stupid.

I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.

She has reached rock bottom and shows signs of starting to dig.

Sit down, give your mind a rest - it obviously needs it.

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but it looks like this guy just gargled.

What you is lacking in intelligence, you more than makes up for in stupidity.

Whom am I calling 'stupid'? Good question. I don't know. What is your name?