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This page is a brief bio. and other odds and ends that I can't fit in elsewhere, or for which I can't be bothered writing a full page.

~ But First ~

~ The Worst Joke I've Ever Heard ~

Mahatma Ghandi was a great man and devoted his life to helping his fellow Indians, asking nothing in return for himself.

He was so poor that he walked for most of his life bare footed, and becaused of this, his feet became very hard and calloused. Due to his poor diet he became very weak and fragile, losing most of his teeth and causing breath problems.

Over the years, his study of religion and his beliefs helped to bring enlightenment to himself and many others. For these reasons he could be said to be a:

Super-calloused-fragile-mystic-with-extra-halitosis

"It's a boy!" ~ Midwife at 6.15 am. 24th. october 1951, in Middlesborough, Yorkshire, The UK.

Spent most of my formative years in Stevenage, Hertfordshire, The UK.

"An IQ of 135, but would do much better if he applied himself." ~ Mr. Warne, my secondary school headmaster. (His daughter, Alison, got herself pregnant and had to leave school in disgrace, so what did he know?)

I left school at 18 years of age with lots of C.S.Es., O-Levels and 2 A-Level (equivalent to a US Degree) certificates and an interest in sex and drugs and rock'n'roll. Twenty years later I returned to college and gained City and Guilds certificates in Plumbing, Heating and Ventilation Technology.

"What a hunk!" ~ Lesley, my first girlfriend, bless her.

Height is 5' 11-5'' (182 cms). Always wanted to be 6' (183 cms) tall but never made it.

Slim build, weighing about 140lbs (63 kgs)

Dark brown wavy hair. worn far too long, now with a touch of gray. I kid myself that it makes me look distinguised but it probably just makes me look haggard.

Objectively, I would have to rate my looks at 4 ~ 4.5 out of 10. Subjectively, I can't understand why women are not throwing themselves at my feet. Heather, my wife, says I'm handsome, but she's biased. Still, puppies, kittens and young children like me, so I can't be that bad.

Reasons to be cheerful, Part One

• ~ Some high points in my life:
• ~ Meeting Heather.
• ~ The birth of our son, Philip.
• ~ Springtime in Paris, France, with a beautiful girl on my arm, eating a pancake we'd just bought from a street vender.
• ~ Doing a naked streak through the ladies dorm. at the Bingley Teacher's Training College.
• ~ Saving up for, and buying, at the age of nine, The Rubiat of Omar Khayyam.

  The moving finger writes
  And having writ
  Moves on: nor all thy piety nor thy wit
  Shall lure it back to cancel half a line
  Nor all thy tears wash out a word of it.

  Possibly one of the most mis-quoted verses in poetry.

• ~ Living for a year on a farm on the Greek island of Kythria.
• ~ Walking across France.
• ~ Becoming a grandfather ~ strange thing is; I don't feel like a grandfather. A lot of the time I feel like a bewildered ten year old.
• ~ Enjoying the favours of two sisters at the same time. Thank you Katrina and Beth for an unforgetable night.
• ~ May 4th. 1993. The day I stopped drinking alcohol, probably saved my life and my marriage. Strange how we always remember our last drink.

Most boring time ~ spending 14 hours on a very slow Greek inter-island ferry, with nothing to read, and only the sea to look at.

Most frightening experience ~ being harrassed by an elemental whilst astral travelling.

"The boy's an idiot!" ~ various employers over the years.

Worst job I've had ~ removing fish entrails, by hand, in a fish-smoking factory in Edinburgh, Scotland.

Worst place I've lived ~ the Litherland housing estate in Liverpool, The UK. That has got to be the arm-pit of Europe, with more nutters, fools and con-men than anywhere else I've ever been...They'll steal the milk from a blind man's tea, and then go back and for the sugar.

Reasons to be cheerful ~ Part Two.

I always thought that when love came to me

It would be with rockets, bells and poetry

But with you and me

Love just started quietly and grew

And it's getting better, getting better all the time,

Growing stronger, stronger all the time.

The Mamas and Papas.

I first met Heather in 1975, in Edinburgh, Scotland, and as soon as I saw her I knew she was the girl for me.

We were both involved with other people at the time, but as we worked in the same shop we became good friends. After a couple of years, both our relationships finished and we finally got together. Twenty~five years later and we're still going strong.

The perils of John Barleycorn and the temptations of Eve.

Some things that I find annoying:

• People who blow their noses when I'm eating.
• Anyone using a toothpick in public.
• Silly qualifying statements. For example; "I'm not being personal but you're really ugly." Or "don't take this the wrong way but you've got a head on you like a chicken."
• People without the courage of their convictions.
• Cheap coffee.
• The lack of common courtesy some people show.
• Those with closed minds.
• People who think that censorship is a good thing, as long as they get to do the censoring.

Reasons to be cheerful, Part Three

The Internet ~ Thank you, Charles Babbage. He built the first computer, what he called a "difference engine", out of two tons (2000kgs) of brass and a vast number of cog wheels and gears.

Serendipity ~ the faculty of making lucky and unexpected "finds" by accident.

From the 'Three Princes of Serendip', an old fairy tale, "who were always making discoveries, by accidents and sagacity, of things they were not in quest of."

Without the Cold War this wonderful medium we call the internet would not have been thought of, (maybe).

Careful With That Axe, Eugene!

A few of my favourite lyrics.