Christianity :
always a good, safe bet for the inexperienced investor who doesn't want the burden of thinking too much. This stock seems recession proof, as shown by it's long history of using hostile takeovers, corporate wars and asset stripping against competing stocks to further it's own growth rate.
Was dealt a blow by the Darwin Report but it's now back to 'business as usual' as most investors simply ignored the ramifications of the report. After all, it's only a theory.
Invest now and you will quickly be reaping the benefits as the company headquarters of Christianity Ltd will be soon be moving from their old offices in Vatican City to purpose designed and built premises at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave and changing the name to God Inc.
Taking a break from his six week pretzel eating training course, Mr. Bush, the new CEO of God Inc., had this to say:
"I am looking forward to becoming a new throbing member of God's right hand. We are committed to bringing the love of Jesus in to everyone's life, even if we have to kill them to do so. I don't care how many of your tax dollars we have to spend but you will see the light".
Judaism:
even though interest in this stock has being declining since c1400 BCE when Moses led the original investors out of Egypt in search of a homeland and bargains, and dispite being part of a bear market calendar spread, this stock is often viewed as a good, though slightly risky, long-term proposition and the stock received a major boost in 1948.
Though still popular with historians, it's unfortunate that this clanish company seems unable to recreate the vigour it demonstrated 2000 years ago when it nearly cornered the market in Middle-Eastern fantasy literature. As has so often happened, Christianity Ltd spotted a gap in Judaism's product range and has been exploiting it ever since.
Atheism:
this robust stock is often overlooked or misinterpreted by all but the most astute investor. Many discount it because it doesn't offer the comfort of superstition and religious mumbo-jumbo or the ephemeral hope of fairy tales.
Short sighted investors don't take the time for more than a cursory dip into it's portfolio and can't grasp that the value of investing in atheism lies in learning to recognize the difference between being enlightened and having your chain pulled, and in developing the skills necessary to accurately judge information based on facts, logic and reason.
An extra dividend comes from learning to let go of beliefs that you know to be false, but to which you cling out of either habit, convenience or superstition and having the comfort of knowing that you have not wasted your time, money or life on superstition, invisible men in the sky or wishful thinking. Love and laughter without fear or guilt comes built in.
Bonus Tip:
Build a man a fire and you'll keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life