The arguments are in no particular order and the list has been gathered from various sources including: Faith Web, Positive Atheism, Godless Geeks and The Secular Web
1. TRANSCENDENTAL ARGUMENT
(1) God exists.
(2) If God exists, then if reason exists then God exists.
(3) Reason exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
2. COSMOLOGICAL ARGUMENT
(1) If I say something must have a cause, it has a cause.
(2) I say the universe must have a cause.
(3) Therefore, the universe has a cause.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
3. ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT I
(1) I define God to be X.
(2) Since I can conceive of X, X must exist.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
4. ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (II)
(1) God exists.
(2) Since God exists, God must be perfect.
(3) That which is perfect must exist.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
5. MODAL ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT
(1) God exists.
(2) God, existing, is either necessary or unnecessary.
(3) God is not unnecessary, therefore God must be necessary.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
6. TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT
(1) Check out that tree. Isn't it pretty?
(2) Therefore, God exists.
7. ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES
(1) My aunt Helen was most likely to die from cancer.
(2) She didn't.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
8. MORAL ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Person X, a well-known atheist, was morally inferior to the
rest
of us.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
9. MORAL ARGUMENT (II)
(1) In my younger days I was a cursing, drinking, smoking,
gambling,
child-molesting, thieving, murdering, bed-wetting bastard.
(2) That all changed once I became religious.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
10. ARGUMENT FROM CREATION
(1) If evolution is false, then creationism is true, and
therefore God
exists.
(2) Evolution can't be true, since I lack the mental capacity
to
understand it; moreover, to accept its truth would cause me to
be
uncomfortable
(3) Therefore, God exists.
11. ARGUMENT FROM FEAR
(1) If there is no God then we're all going to die.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
12. ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE
(1) [arbitrary passage from OT]
(2) [arbitrary passage from NT]
(3) Therefore, God exists.
13. ARGUMENT FROM INTELLIGENCE
(1) Look, there's really no point in me trying to explain the
whole
thing to you stupid atheists -- it's too complicated for you
to
understand. God exists whether you like it or not.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
14. ARGUMENT FROM UNINTELLIGENCE
(1) Okay, I don't pretend to be as intelligent as you guys --
you're
obviously very well read. But I read the Bible, and nothing you
say
can convince me that God does not exist. I feel him in my heart,
and
you can feel him too, if you'll just ask him into your life. "For
God
so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son into the
world,
that whosoever believes in him shall not perish from the earth"
John
3:16.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
15. ARGUMENT FROM BELIEF
(1) If God exists, then I should believe in Him.
(2) I believe in God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
16. ARGUMENT FROM INTIMIDATION
(1) See this bonfire?
(2) Therefore, God exists.
17. PARENTAL ARGUMENT
(1) My mommy and daddy told me that God exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
18. ARGUMENT FROM NUMBERS
(1) Millions and millions of people believe in God.
(2) They can't all be wrong, can they?
(3) Therefore, God exists.
19. ARGUMENT FROM ABSURDITY
(1) Maranathra!
(2) Therefore, God exists.
20. ARGUMENT FROM ECONOMY
(1) God exists, you swine!
(2) Therefore, God exists.
21. BOATWRIGHT'S ARGUMENT
(1) Ha ha ha.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
22. DORE'S ARGUMENT
(1) I forgot to take my meds.
(2) Therefore, I AM CHRIST!!
(3) Therefore, God exists.
23. ARGUMENT FROM GUITAR MASTERY
(1) Eric Clapton is God.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
24. ARGUMENT FROM INTERNET AUTHORITY
(1) There is a website that successfully argues for the existence
of God.
(2) Here is the URL.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
25. ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPREHENSIBILITY
(1) Flabble glurk zoom boink blubba snurgleschnortz ping!
(2) No one has ever refuted (1).
(3) Therefore, God exists.
26. ARGUMENT FROM AMERICAN EVANGELISM
(1) Telling people that God exists makes me filthy rich.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
27. MITCHELL'S ARGUMENT
(1) The Christian God exists.
(2) Therefore, all worldviews which don't assume the Christian
God's existence are false and incomprehensible.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
28. ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS (I)
(1) Atheists are spiritually blind.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
29. ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS (II)
(1) God is love.
(2) Love is blind.
(3) Ray Charles is blind.
(4) Therefore, Ray Charles is God.
(5) Therefore, God exists.
30. ARGUMENT FROM FALLIBILITY
(1) Human reasoning is inherently flawed.
(2) Therefore, there is no reasonable way to challenge a
proposition.
(3) I propose that God exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
31. ARGUMENT FROM SMUGNESS
(1) God exists.
(2) I don't give a crap whether you believe it or not; I have
better things to do than to try to convince you morons.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
32. ARGUMENT FROM META-SMUGNESS
(1) Screw you.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
33. ARGUMENT FROM MANIFESTATIONS
(1) If you turn your head sideways and squint a little, you can
see an image of a bearded face in that tortilla.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
34. SLATHER'S ARGUMENT
(1) My toaster is God.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
35. ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPLETE DEVASTATION
(1) A plane crashed killing 143 passengers and crew.
(2) But one child survived with only third-degree burns.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
36. ARGUMENT FROM POSSIBLE WORLDS
(1) If things had been different, then things would be
different.
(2) That would be bad.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
37. ARGUMENT FROM SHEER WILL
(1) I DO believe in God! I DO believe in God! I do I do I do I DO
believe in God!
(2) Therefore, God exists.
38. ARGUMENT FROM NONBELIEF
(1) The majority of the world's population are nonbelievers in
Christianity.
(2) This is just what Satan intended.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
39. ARGUMENT FROM POST-DEATH EXPERIENCE
(1) Person X died an atheist.
(2) He now realizes his mistake.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
40. ARGUMENT FROM EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
(1) God loves you.
(2) How could you be so heartless to not believe in him?
(3) Therefore, God exists.
41. ARGUMENT FROM INCOHERENT BABBLE
(1) See that person spazzing on the church floor babbling
incoherently?
(2) That's how infinite wisdom reveals itself.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
42. OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (I)
(1) The human spirit exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
43. OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Check out this video segment.
(2) Now how can anyone watch that and NOT believe in God?
(3) Therefore, God exists.
44. CALVINISTIC ARGUMENT
(1) If God exists, then he will let me watch you be tortured
forever.
(2) I rather like that idea.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
45. ARGUMENT FROM CROCKERY (I)
(1) Pots don't go around giving orders to the potter.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
46. ARGUMENT FROM MASS PRODUCTION
(1) Barbie dolls were created.
(2) If Barbie dolls were created, then so were trees.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
47. ARGUMENT FROM PAROCHIALISM
(1) God is everywhere.
(2) We haven't been everywhere to prove he's not there.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
48. ARGUMENT FROM UPPERCASE ASSERTION
(1) GOD EXISTS! GET USED TO IT!
(2) Therefore, God exists.
49. ARGUMENT FROM INFINITE REGRESS
(1) Ask atheists what caused the Big Bang.
(2) Regardless of their answer, ask how they know this.
(3) Continue process until the atheist admits he doesn't know the
answer to one of your questions.
(4) You win!
(5) Therefore, God exists.
50. ARGUMENT FROM INCREDULITY
(1) How could God NOT exist, you bozo?
(2) Therefore, God exists.
51. ARGUMENT FROM HISTORY
(1) The Bible is true.
(2) Therefore, the Bible is historical fact.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
52. ARGUMENT FROM RESURRECTION
(1) Proof of God's existence will be available when you rise
bodily from your grave.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
53. ARGUMENT FROM BIOGENESIS
(1) Where did Adam come from, dummy?
(2) Therefore, God exists.
54. ARGUMENT FROM STEADFAST FAITH
(1) A lot of really cool people believed in God their entire
lives.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
55. ARGUMENT FROM LONELINESS
(1) Christians say that Jesus is their best friend.
(2) I'm lonely, and I want a best friend.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
56. ARGUMENT FROM ARGUMENTATION
(1) God exists.
(2) [atheist's counterargument]
(3) Yes he does.
(4) [atheist's counterargument]
(5) Yes he does!
(6) [atheist's counterargument]
(7) YES HE DOES!!!
(8) [atheist gives up and goes home]
(9) Therefore, God exists.
57. ARGUMENT FROM CREATIVE INTERPRETATION
(1) God is:
????????(a) The feeling you have when you look at a newborn
baby.
????????(b) The love of a mother for her child.
????????(c) That little still voice in your heart.
????????(d) Humankind's potential to overcome their
difficulties.
????????(e) How I feel when I look at a sunset.
????????(f) The taste of ice cream on a hot day.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
58. ARGUMENT FROM INSECURITY
(1) We have gone to absolutely berserk lengths to establish that
atheists are laughable morons.
(1.5) Actually, we did so in the hopes of curing our own
insecurities about theism -- but there's no chance in hell we'll
ever admit that.
(2) Therefore, atheists are laughable morons.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
59. ARGUMENT FROM SUPERIORITY
(1) If God does not exist, then I am an inferior being, since I
am not "special" in a cosmic sense.
(2) But I am superior. Because I am a Christian.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
60. ARGUMENT FROM PERFECTION
(1) If there are absolute moral standards, then God exists.
(2) Atheists say that there are no absolute moral standards.
(3) But that's because they don't want to admit to being
sinners.
(4) Therefore, there are absolute moral standards.
(5) Therefore, God exists.
61. ARGUMENT FROM HUMAN NECESSITY
(1) Atheists say that they don't need God.
(2) Which just goes to show that they need God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
62. ARGUMENT FROM HIDDEN LOGIC (I)
(1) Intellectually, I know that the existence of God is
impossible, or vastly improbable.
(2) But I must put on the appearance of being cool and
intellectual in front of my Christian apologist peers.
(3) Therefore, I must pretend that (1) is false.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
63. ARGUMENT FROM INDULGENCE
(1) Atheists like to think that they can control their emotional
desires.
(2) But they're atheists, so they can't.
(3) Therefore, atheists feel the need to indulge in whatever they
feel like without worrying about committing sin.
(4) This just goes to show how they need God in their lives.
(5) Therefore, God exists.
64. ARGUMENT FROM HATE
(1) Some atheists hate Christians and Christianity.
(2) That's why they don't believe in God.
(3) Pathetic, aren't they?
(4) Therefore, God exists.
65. ARGUMENT FROM QUENTIN SMITH
(1) Quentin Smith says that God does not exist.
(2) But God does exist.
(3) Therefore, Quentin Smith cannot be accepted as an expert on
the matter, because he is wrong.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
66. ARGUMENT FROM EVIL SPIRITS
(1) I've just had contact with evil spirits.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
67. ARGUMENT FROM HIDDEN LOGIC (II)
(1) Atheists say that God doesn't exist.
(2) But they only say that because they want to look cool and
intellectual in front of their peers.
(3) They don't fool me!
(4) Therefore, God exists.
68. ARGUMENT FROM HOVIND'S CHALLENGE
(1) Kent Hovind offers \$250,000 (which may or may not exist) to
anyone who can demonstrate evolution (defined as a natural,
acausal origin of the universe) to a reasonable doubt (meaning
with 100% certainty, allowing for no other possibilities
whatsoever) in front of a neutral committee (handpicked by Hovind
himself) and according to certain criteria (carefully worded so
as to rule out any possibility whatsoever of the challenge ever
being met).
(2) No atheist has ever met this challenge.
(3)Therefore, God exists.
69. ARGUMENT FROM INSANITY
(1) No sane person could have thought up Christianity
(2) Therefore, it must be true
(3) Therefore, God exists
70. ARGUMENT FROM EXHAUSTION (abridged)
1) Do you agree with the utterly trivial proposition X?
2) Atheist: of course.
3) How about the slightly modified proposition X'?
4) Atheist: Um, no, not really.
5) Good. Since we agree, how about Y? Is that true?
6) Atheist: No! And I didn't agree with X'!
7) With the truths of these clearly established, surely you agree
that Z is true as well?
8) Atheist: No. So far I have only agreed with X! Where is this
going, anyway?
9) I'm glad we all agree.....
....
37) So now we have used propositions X, X', Y, Y', Z, Z', P, P',
Q and Q' to arrive at the obviously valid point R. Agreed?
38) Atheist: Like I said, so far I've only agreed with X. Where
is this going?
....
81) So we now conclude from this that propositions L'', L''' and
J'' are true. Agreed?
82) I HAVEN'T AGREED WITH ANYTHING YOU'VE SAID SINCE X! WHERE IS
THIS GOING!?
....
177) ...and it follows that proposition HRV, SHQ'' and BTU' are
all obviously valid. Agreed?
178) [Atheist either faints from overwork or leaves in
disgust]
179) Therefore, God exists.
71. MR. GOODSALT'S ARGUMENT (ARGUMENT FROM GENERAL INQUIRY)
1) Question for atheist population: [apparently random
question]
2) Your answer is wrong.
3) Therefore, God exists.
72. PEACOCK'S ARGUMENT FROM ORIGINALITY
1) I have written the following to demonstrate the existence of
God.
2) [insert entire text of a William Lane Craig article]
3) Therefore, God exists.
73. PEACOCK'S ARGUMENT FROM LIMITED VOCABULARY
1) You use lots of big words.
2) Therefore, I cannot possibly be expected to understand your
refutation of my position.
3) Therefore, God exists.
74. PEACOCK'S ARGUMENT FROM SELECTIVE MEMORY
1) [Christian asks "stumper" question]
2) [Atheist answers question]
3) [A lapse of time]
4) [Christian repeats question]
5) [Atheist repeats answer]
6) [A lapse of time]
7) [Christian repeats question]
8) [Atheist repeats answer]
9) [A lapse of time]
10) Atheist, you never answered my question.
11) Therefore, God exists.
75. ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE ECONOMICS
1) Protestant Christian nations are rich.
2) Therefore, God exists.
76. ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL SANITY
1) I've had religious experiences that can't be explained unless
I'm insane or God exists.
2) Therefore, God exists.
77. ARGUMENT FROM INSTITUTIONAL LONGETIVITY
1) The Roman Catholic Church has been around for a long time.
2) Therefore, God exists.
78. ARGUMENT FROM INEVITABILITY
1) I have proof that God exists.
2) I won't bother to tell you what it is because, being atheists,
you would be hostile to the conclusion anyway.
3) Therefore, God exists.
79. ARGUMENT FROM "THE MATRIX"
1) We cannot prove that we don't live in a Matrix-like world.
2) Therefore we cannot know reality.
3) If reality is contingent, then everything is possible.
4) Therefore, God exists.
80. ARGUMENT FROM SUBJECTIVITY
1) Everything is subjective.
2) No subjective proof can be superior to any other subjective
proof.
3) Based upon my subjective opinion, your opinion, that if
everything is subjective then, perforce, God is subjective, is
false.
4) Therefore, God (objectively) exists.
81. ARGUMENT FROM POSTMODERNISM
1) I'm going to prove to you that God exists.
2) [insert any of the other arguments on this page in here]
3) [atheist refutes argument]
4) I cannot prove there is a God anymore than anyone of us can
prove we really exist in a tangible world.
5) Therefore, God exists.
82. ARGUMENT FROM SQUARE CIRCLES
1) There is no such thing as a square circle.
2) God is not a square circle.
3) Therefore, God exists.
83. ARGUMENT FROM DICTATORSHIP
1) Dictators do not believe in God.
2) Dictators are wrong.
3) Therefore, God exists.
84. ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE RIGHT
1) God save the Queen.
2) The Queen has not died.
3) Therefore, God exists.
85. BENDER'S ARGUMENT FROM NUMBERS
1) I have these two functions that have (up to 7 decimal places)
a common root.
2) Some of the numbers involved in the functions are the same
numbers used for various things in the Bible.
3) Since there is such a small probability of finding two
functions that are "found in nature" (whatever that means) and
that are also "Biblically significant" (whatever that means, as
well), it is obvious that finding these functions wasn't a
coincidence.
4) Therefore God gave me these functions.
5) Therefore God exists.
86. BENDER'S ARGUMENT FROM NUMBERS (ABRIDGED)
1) 36.5
2) Therefore, God exists.
87. META-ARGUMENT
1) This is a proof of God's existence.
2) If the reader finishes reading this proof, the existence of
God will be proven to him/her.
3) If the existence of God is proven, then God exists.
4) Therefore, God exists.
88. ARGUMENT FROM ANECDOTE
1) God can be seen by those who believe.
2) If God is seen, then God must exist.
3) I believe in God.
4) Therefore, God exists.
89. ARGUMENT FROM BIBLICAL HISTORY
1) Many modern historians think that there probably was somebody
named Jesus, maybe.
2) Therefore, God exists.
90. BENDER’S ARGUMENT FROM TAP-DANCING DEMONS
1) One day, demons were tap-dancing on my roof. I prayed and they
went away.
2) Therefore, demons are really good dancers.
3) Also, God exists.
91. RANDMAN’S ARGUMENT
1) This entry from the 1975 World Book Encyclopedia on evolution
contains some errors, that I claim to have already
substantiated.
2) Mr. Ph.D.-in-Evolutionary-Biology, this proves that evolution
is an unsound scientific concept.
3) Therefore, God exists.
92. ARGUMENT FROM MULTIPLICITY
1) I have a large number of arguments for God.
2) One of them is probably true.
3) Therefore, God exists.
93. ARGUMENT FROM FORTUITOUS COINCIDENCE
1) What are the odds of that happening?
2) Pretty long, I’ll bet.
3) Therefore, God exists.
94. BENDER’S ARGUMENT FROM DAVID BLAINE
1) If David Blaine does real magic, then God exists.
2) It looked real on his TV special.
3) Therefore, God exists.
95.ARGUMENT FROM MYSTERIOUS USE OF PREPOSITIONS
1) It is impossible to disprove God with your puny human
intellect unless you are above God.
2) Are you higher than God?
3) I’ll take that puzzled look on your face as a no.
4) Therefore, God exists.
96.ARGUMENT FROM TEEN/TWENTYISH CHRISTIAN MOVEMENT
1) God is so totally awesome, dude, and if you would pretend that
Creed and POD were good bands, you would realize that.
2) Also, our Youth Group leader Skip once, like, cured a broken
leg using only the power of the almighty Lord.
3) Therefore, God exists.
97. ARGUMENT FROM SPEAKING IN TOUNGES
1) My friend here, once started spontaneously speaking some
jibberish that sounded to me kind of like Russian.
2) But neither he nor I know anything about Russian.
3) The only explanation is God.
4) Therefore, God exists.
98. ARGUMENT FROM EUROPEAN HISTORY
1) Many prominent thinkers in pre-modern Europe believed in
God.
2) Let’s just forget about the nineteenth and twentieth
centuries.
3) Therefore, God exists.
99. ARGUMENT FROM DESIGN
1) If there is a designer, then God must exist.
2) If I find a watch in a forest, there must be a designer
3) *throws watch into forest*
4) Therefore, God exists.
100. ARGUMENT FROM FUTURITY
1) I will prove the existence of God in the following
argument.
2) Therefore, God exists.
101. ARGUMENT FROM HISTORY
1) I proved the existence of God in the preceding argument.
2) Therefore, God exists.
102. ARGUMENT FROM LOURDES (TERCEL'S ARGUMENT)
1) Some sick people who went to France say they felt somewhat
better.
2) Therefore, God exists.
103. ARGUMENT FROM BAD PUNCTUATION 1) God is real, and of course
He has not shown His face and will not until all is fullfilled no
one in this universe can tell you when He will
come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (This was a real letter sent
to Positive
Atheism.)
2) Therefore, God exists.
104. ARGUMENT FROM OFFENSE
1) God exists.
2) [atheist gives counterarguments]
3) You know what? I am offended.
4) Therefore, God exists.
105. ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER
1) God exists.
2) [atheist gives counterarguments]
3) You're in my prayers.
4) Therefore, God exists.
106. ARGUMENT FROM AGNOSTICISM
1) I don't know.
2) Neither do you.
3) Therefore, God exists.
107. ARGUMENT FROM IDENTITY
1) Belief in God is a central part of my identity.
2) You don't mean to deny my identity, now do you?
3) Therefore, God exists.
108. ARGUMENT FROM FORMATTING
1) Behold, foolish atheist, I present you with an
incontrovertible proof of the existence of God.
2) [Christian posts 10,000 word document without a single
paragraph break]
3) [atheist's eyes implode]
4) I see that you have not refuted (2).
5) Therefore, God exists.
109. ARGUMENT FROM NON-CONFRONTATION
1) I'm not here to argue with you, atheist.
2) But come on, God obviously exists.
3) Therefore, God exists.
110. ARGUMENT FROM EXODUS
1) If the Exodus story has any basis in historical fact, then God
must exist.
2) Some guy found some chariot wheels at the bottom of the Red
Sea.
3) Therefore, God exists.
111. ARGUMENT FROM MARTYRDOM
1) The apostles would not have died for something they knew
wasn't true.
2) The atheist gives examples of martyrs outside Christendom, but
they were obviously fooled by Satan.
3) Therefore, God exists.
112. ARGUMENT FROM TINKERBELL
1) I really, really want God to exist.
2) If you wish for something really hard, it'll come true.
3) Therefore, God exists.
113. ARGUMENT FROM PREFERRED ANCESTRY
1) I don't want to be related to monkeys.
2) Therefore, God exists.
114. ARGUMENT FROM THE FOOLISHNESS OF ATHEISM
1) Psalm 14:1.
2) Therefore, God exists.
115. ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION (I)
1) Someone made fun of my faith.
2) Therefore, God exists.
116. ARGUMENT FROM REALLY COOL STUFF THAT JESUS SAID
1) Jesus said some really cool stuff.
2) No one else ever said that stuff.
3) Therefore, God exists.
117. ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN MORALITY
1) History is full of professed Christians who did something
nice.
2) We'll just ignore the not-nice things that Christians may or
may not have done in the past, you can't trust history
anyway.
3) Therefore, God exists.
118. ARGUMENT FROM POTENTIAL INSANITY
1) I would go crazy if I didn't believe in God.
2) I'M NOT CRAZY!!!!
3) Therefore, God exists.
119. THE DUTCHMAN'S ARGUMENT (ARGUMENT FROM MUSICAL CONSPIRACY
THEORY)
1) The atheist likes music.
2) Therefore, the atheist is schitzophrenic.
3) Who cares if the logic is flimsier than a house of cards?
Character assassination is the only way I can win this
debate.
4) Therefore, God exists.
120. ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION (II) / ARGUMENT FROM IDIOCY
(I)
1) Jesus said that people would make fun of Christians.
2) I am an idiot.
3) People often point that out.
4) Therefore, God exists.
121. ARGUMENT FROM INTEREST
1) If God really didn't exist, then atheists wouldn't spend so
much time talking about him.
2) [atheist refutes (1)]
3) See?
4) Therefore, God exists.
122. ARGUMENT FROM CATCHPHRASE
1) There are no atheists in foxholes.
2) [atheist points to some atheists in foxholes]
3) They don't count.
4) Therefore, God exists.
123. ARGUMENT FROM HOSPITALS
1) Atheists don't build hospitals.
2) [atheist points to Bill Gates and Ted Turner, who donate
millions to charity]
3) Yes, but do they build hospitals?
4) Therefore, God exists.
124. ARGUMENT FROM SERIOUS ASSERTION
1) God exists.
2) No, seriously.
3) Therefore, God exists.
125. ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF EVIDENCE (SIMPSON'S ARGUMENT)
1) God, if you exist, please give me absolutely no sign.
2)
3) Therefore, God exists.
126. ARGUMENT FROM IDIOCY (II)
1) Even an idiot can see that God exists.
2) I am an idiot.
3) Therefore, God exists.
127. ARGUMENT FROM 9-11 (I)
1) Terrorists destroyed the World Trade Center, killing
thousands.
2) One piece of the rubble sort of looks like a cross.
3) Therefore, God exists.
128. PEACOCK'S ARGUMENT FROM NON-COMPETITION
1) I dare atheists to refute this argument!
2) [atheist refutes argument]
3) Why do you have to turn everything into a comptetition?
4) Therefore, God exists.
129. ARGUMENT FROM CROCKERY (II)
1) I am in a bad mood and considering throwing this plate at
you.
2) I want you to believe in God.
3) Therefore, God exists.
130. ARGUMENT FROM THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE
1) The Pledge was changed in the fifties to state that this is
"one nation, under God."
2) Therefore, the existence of God is a necessary condition for
the existence of America.
3) Therefore, God exists.
131. LAURA INGRAHAM'S ARGUMENT
1) Nobody really listens to atheists anyway, do they?
2) Therefore, God exists.
132. ARGUMENT FROM RAPIST WITH NUCLEAR STRAP-ON (ED'S
ARGUMENT)
1) Being indirectly responsible for something is very different
from directly responsible for something, especially if it is
allowed in order for a greater good to occur. A better analogy
would be a rapist with an activated nuclear weapon strapped to
him in a large city. He starts raping a woman but if you try to
stop him millions could die, so you have to allow him to do it
until a better way of getting rid of him can be discovered.
2) Thus, the existence of evil does not preclude the existence of
God.
3) Therefore, God exists.
133. ARGUMENT FROM THE FOUNDING FATHERS
1) The Founding Fathers were Christians.
2) Yes they were.
3) Yes they were.
4) YES THEY WERE!!!
5) Well anyway, the Founding Fathers were really smart, so they
MUST have been Christians!
6) (And anyway, Deists are really Christians, they just haven't
figured it out yet.)
7) Therefore, God exists.
134. ARGUMENT FROM LOTS AND LOTS OF BOOKS
1) The Bible has lots and lots of books written by lots of people
over lots of time.
2) Through countless centuries of apologetics, we've been able to
hammer out a more or less coherent plot for all these books (the
ones we liked, anyway).
3) It is impossible for so many authors over so much time to
write so many books from which we could form a coherent plot.
4) Therefore, God exists.
135. ARGUMENT FROM RESURRECTION ACCOUNTS
1) The Bible claims that Jesus rose from the dead.
2) No other religious text claims that someone rose from the
dead.
3) Therefore, God exists.
136. ARGUMENT FROM ADMINISTRATIVE CONTROL (BAPTISTBOARD'S
ARGUMENT)
1) [insert Christian argument]
2) [atheist refutes argument]
3) Atheists are hereby banned.
4) [repeat (1)]
5) [no refutations]
6) Therefore, God exists.
137. ARGUMENT FROM BRUTE FORCE AGAINST AUTOMOTIVE DECORATIONS
1) [Christian tears off Darwin fish, breaks it into thirds, and
sticks it onto driver's side window (true story)]
2) Therefore, evolution is false.
3) Therefore, God exists.
138. ARGUMENT FROM EQUAL VALUE
1) The view that God exists is a worldview, just like the
scientific and evolution worldviews.
2) You're not discriminating against our worldview, are you?
3) Therefore, the God worldview has the same value was the
evolution and scientific worldviews.
4) Therefore, God exists.
139. ARGUMENT FROM ASSUMPTION
1) Therefore, God exists.
140. EXISTENTIALIST ARGUMENT
1) I have a boil on my bottom.
2) Therefore, God exists.
141. ARGUMENT FROM EVIDENTIAL ASSERTION (HENRY MORRIS'S
ARGUMENT)
1) God exists.
2) Therefore, all the physical evidence must show this.
3) Therefore, it does.
4) Therefore, God exists.
142. ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF MEANNESS
1) If God didn't exist, it would be mean of him to make me think
he did.
2) God isn't mean.
3) Therefore, God exists.
143. ARGUMENT FROM WE ALL GOT FAITH
1) We all believe in something -- thus, we all have faith in
something.
2) My faith in God is no different than your faith that the Sun
will come up tomorrow morning.
3) Therefore, God exists.
144. ARGUMENT FROM BIGOTRY (FRED PHELPS'S ARGUMENT)
1) The Bible says that anal sex is yucky.
2) I agree.
3) Plus, some gay people died of AIDS.
4) Therefore, God exists.
145. ARGUMENT FROM BEAVERS
1) Some beavers built sort of a cross shaped thing and sort of
stood around it. (apparently true story)
2) Therefore, God exists.
146. ARGUMENT FROM COOLNESS.
1) That's really cool.
2) God must have done that.
3) Therefore, God exists.
147. ARGUMENT FROM BIBLE IN THE WTC
1) An intact Bible was found in the WTC ruins.
2) Oh, wait . . . turns out it was a dictionary.
3) Oh well, Therefore, God exists anyway.
148. ARGUMENT FROM BIBLICAL EQUATIONS (GENERIC VERSION)
1) If there exists a numerical value, NV, such that for a key
religious figure, KRF, in a holy book, HB, there two measurments
of time, T1 and T2, mentioned in HB, but not necessarily
associated with KRF in HB, such that T1 and T2 can be inserted
into a calculator function (such as addition or subtraction),
CF1, of two variables, such that CF1(T1,T2) yields T3, and HB
alleges that three significant events, E1, E2, and E3 (in
chronological order) associated with KRF, occured, and the
descriptions in HB of E1, E2, and E3 are such that it cannot be
proven based these descriptions alone that T3 is an impossible
measurement of the span of time from the microsecond, ME1, of the
alleged event E1 and the microsecond, ME3, of alleged event E3,
and the numeric value NV can be computed by choosing two units of
time (such as seconds, hours, minutes, days, weeks, months,
years, decades, centuries), U1 and U2, so that solving the
equation for NV: NV*(1 U1) + NV(1 U2) = T3 yields a numeric value
for NV for which it cannot be proven based on the writings of HB
that NV*(1 U1), is an impossible measure of the exact number of
microseconds between ME1 and the microsecond ME2 at which alleged
event E2 occured, nor proven based on the writings of HB that
NV*(1 U2) is an impossible measure time, to the nearest
microsecond, between ME2 and ME3, and there exists a function, F,
such that F(NV) is a combination of a calculator function of one
variable, CF2 (such as log10, sin, cos, sqrt, ln, etc.), and a
calculator function of two variables, CF3 (such as multiply, add,
subtract, or divide), whereby F(NV) = CF3(CF2(NV),NV*(1 U1)), and
computing F(X) gives the value Y, which has units (1/U1), and
there exists units U3, such that Y*(1 u3) gives Y in units of
(U3/U1), and the conversion of Y(U3/U1) to compatible units,
U4/U1, by multiplying Y(U3/U1)*N, where N is the value (1 U4)/(1
U3), gives Y*N(U4/U1), and there exists a physical constant, C1,
which can be expressed in units U5/U4, such that
C1(U5/U4)*Y*N(U4/U1) gives C1*Y*N(u5/u1), and in the culture in
which HB was written, there was an approximation, A, for the
aforementioned physical constant, C1, expressed in units U5/U1,
such that the number of significat digits, SD, for which the
decimal representation of A matches the decimal representation of
C1*N*Y is greater than or equal to 9, then God exists.
2) NV exists.
3) Therefore, God exists.
149. ARGUMENT FROM BASTARDIZED DESCARTES.
1) I think.
2) Therefore, God am.
150. ARGUMENT FROM SEVEN YEAR OLD
1) This seven year old believes in God.
2) You don't want to break a seven year old's heart, now do
you?
3) Therefore, God exists.
151. ARGUMENT FROM COMMON PHRASES
1) Oh my God!
2) Goddammit!
3) God bless you.
4) He has more money than God!
5) In God we trust.
6) I'm God's gift to women.
7) God only knows.
8) God forbid . . .
9) One nation, under God.
10) Oh God! Oh yes!!! OH GOD!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!
11) Use your God-given talents!
12) God will provide.
13) There but for the grace of God go I.
14) Dear God . . .
15) Oh, for the love of God . . .
16) God help us!
17) God almighty!
18) God bless America
19) Not even God could tell the difference.
20) I swear to God.
21) As God is my witness . . .
22) Thank you, God!
23) My God!
24) Good God!
25) God's green Earth.
26) In God's country
27) What if God were one of us?
[more to come, we're sure...]
N+1) Therefore, God exists.
152. ARGUMENT FROM IT IS WRITTEN
1) Morals have to come from somewhere.
2) The Bible has lots of "Thou shalt nots" in it.
3) Therefore, God exists.
153. ARGUMENT FROM COLLEGE FUNDING
1) You believe that God exists.
2) If I ever discover otherwise, you will get no money for
college.
3) Therefore, God exists.
154. ARGUMENT FROM PORK
1) In the Bible, God commands the Hebrews not to eat any
pork.
2) Since then we've learned that if you eat undercooked pork, you
might get trichinosis.
3) Therefore, God exists.
155. ARGUMENT FROM MOUNT ARARAT
1) The Bible says that Noah's Ark landed on Mt. Ararat.
2) There's a Mt. Ararat in Turkey.
3) Therefore, God exists.
156. ARGUMENT FROM CHILD CUSTODY
1) We have legal custody of your son.
2) If you don't act as though the Christian God exists, you will
never, ever see him again.
3) Therefore, God exists.
157. ARGUMENT FROM FIDEISM (MARTIN GARDNER'S ARGUMENT)
1) The atheists are absolutely right. There's no logical reason
whatsoever to believe that God exists.
2) But he makes me feel good anyway.
3) Therefore, God exists.
158. ARGUMENT FROM DIAGRAM (GEORGANN'S ARGUMENT)
1) I have drawn a diagram that represents the geometric
progression proof of God.
2) It has a pyramid in it and the air shafts of the pyramid in
the diagram point to Jesus. It's an astonishingly clean and
inspired representation of a amazing amount of text which
although first written down about 3500 years ago, manages to
reflect, as only God's word could of the entire history of all
creation and mankind up to the point of its being written
down.
3) Therefore, God exists.
159. ARGUMENT FROM STUPIDITY
1) God is too stupid to do anything about the horrendous evil and
suffering in the world.
2) God made man in his image.
3) I am stupid.
4) Therefore, God exists.
160. ARGUMENT FROM STAR TREK
1) Resistance is futile.
2) You will be assimilated.
3) Therefore, God exists.
161. ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER (I)
1) When I pray and it comes true, God made it come true.
2) When I pray and it doesn't come true, God has a better
plan.
3) Therefore, God exists.
162. ARGUMENT FROM POPEYE
1) God said, "I yam that I yam."
2) Therefore, God exists.
163. ARGUMENT FROM BEER (I)
1) Why ask why?
2) Therefore, God exists.
164. ARGUMENT FROM PAIN AVOIDANCE
1) If I don't believe that God exists, I'll go to hell.
2) Please don't hurt me.
3) Therefore, God exists.
165. ARGUMENT FROM NASCAR
1) If God exists, then he needs a race car driver.
2) Dale Earnhardt died in a car accident.
3) Therefore, God exists.
166. ARGUMENT FROM CUTENESS
1) Cuteness is not an evolutionary advantage.
2) But bunnies are cute.
3) Therefore, God exists.
167. ARGUMENT FROM ACTUAL INFINITES (WILLIAM LANE CRAIG'S
ARGUMENT)
1) An actual infinite cannot exist.
2) God is an actual infinite.
3) Therefore, God exists.
168. HANK HANEGRAAF'S ARGUMENT
1) It is completely against God's absolute nature to allow you to
exist.
2) You exist.
3) Therefore, God exists.
169. THE ULTIMATE MODAL ARGUMENT
1) It is possible that it is possible that it is possible that it
is possible that it is possible that it is possible that it
ispossible that it is possible that it is possible that it is
possible that it is possible that it is possible that it
ispossible that it is possible that it is possible that it is
possible that it is possible that it is possible that it
ispossible that it is possible that it is possible that it is
possible that it is possible that it is possible that it
ispossible that it is possible that it is possible that it is
possible that it is possible that it is possible that it
ispossible that it is possible that it is possible that it is
possible that it is possible that it is possible that it
ispossible that it is possible that it is possible that it is
possible that it is possible that it is possible that it is
possible that it is possible that it is possible that it is
possible that it is possible that it is possible that it is
possible that it is possible that it is possible that it is
possible that it is possible that it is possible that it is
possible that it is possible that it is possible that it is
possible that it is possible that it is possible that it is
possible that it is possible that it is possible that it is
possible that it is possible that it is possible that it is
necessary that God exists.
2) Certainly a premise like that with so many possibilities
cannot be false.
3) Therefore, God exists.
170. ARGUMENT FROM FINE-TUNING
1) If God exists, he could via miracles make any world where
physical constants disallow life naturally, but this is not the
case if God does not exist.
2) Amazingly, God chose to make a world which naturally allows
life.
3) Therefore, God exists.
171. ARGUMENT FROM CONTINGENCY
1) Contingent beings, like humans or the universe, need to be
caused.
2) Anything with a necessary cause is also necessary.
3) So God created the universe and humans.
4) Therefore, God exists.
172. ARGUMENT FROM SIMPLICITY
1) Simple explanations are generally better than more complex
explanations.
2) The universe can be explained as the creation of God, a being
who is omniscient (where omniscience is defined as having all
knowledge of true propositions knowable by an Anselmian supreme
being in all possible worlds which do not imply weird McEar
paradoxes), omnipotent (where omnipotent is defined as having the
ability to do any and all logically possible actions coherent
with the idea of a supreme being and those by unsupreme beings),
morally perfect (where morally perfect is defined as being of a
perfectly good will and only does good actions, and only allows
good actions or those actions which lead to even better results),
immaterial (where immaterial is defined as not being composed of
matter or described by physical laws of any logically possible
world, including those comprising nothing physical), and a person
(where person is defined as having intellect, intent, will, and
worthy of moral respect and able to make moral decisions), and
this is a fully simple explanation, given the simple and
immediately understandable (by anyone) definition of God (where
simple is defined as having a nature identical with his
existence, and all properties of X being identical to any other
properties of X, and these properties not identical to any other
beings other than X).
3) Therefore, God exists.
173. ARGUMENT FROM GLOBAL SKEPTICISM
1) We know some things, and so global skepticism is wrong.
2) Certainly a being way more powerful, knowledgable, and moral
than us would not have any reasons to deceive us lowly beings and
not tell us he is doing so.
3) Therefore, God exists.
174. ARGUMENT FROM COLORS
1) Colors exist, and are in part caused by the physical
properties of objects.
2) Let's not think about how this could have come about without
God.
3) Therefore, God exists.
175. PRESUPPOSITIONALIST ARGUMENT (PLANTINGA, BAHNSEN, WILSON, ET
AL)
1) Presuppositionalist: Materialism cannot account for
knowledge.
2) Atheist: You'll have to support that statement.
3) P: It is supported by noting that if matter is all there was,
there would not be knowledge.
4) A: That's the same claim.
5) P: Okay, it's backed up by noting that if there were no
objects made of matter, we could not know anything.
6) A: Again, same claim, different words.
7) P: I'll back it up thusly: In a naturalistic universe,
justified true beliefs could not occur.
8) A: I'm afraid you're not getting any further back.
9) P: Here's the proof: when matter is all there is, knowledge is
precluded by the lack of non-material entities.
10) A: Okay, you've found five different ways to express the same
claim. Now please justify it.
11) P: Gladly. Under materialism, knowledge is unaccounted
for.
12) A: Look, this isn't a contest to see how many different ways
you can say the same thing. Comprende?
13) P: Fine. The justification is this: knowledge is impossible
if we assume materialism.
14) A: You're an idiot. Do you know that?
15) P: Enough with your insults. Here is the ultimate
justification for my claim: materialism in inadequate to account
for human knowledge.
16) [atheist leaves]
17) P: I win.
18) Therefore, God exists.
176. ARGUMENT FROM THIS MORNING
1) I woke up this morning.
2) Therefore, God exists.
177. ARGUMENT FROM POLITICS
1) The majority of Americans believe in God.
2) If I pretend to believe in God too, I'll get elected.
3) Therefore, God exists.
178. ARGUMENT FROM BOWELS
1) I forgot to say grace last night.
2) This morning, I was punished with a painful bowel
movement.
3) Therefore, God exists.
179. ARGUMENT FROM COINCIDENCE
1) We were driving home with our youth pastor when it started to
rain really hard.
2) So we pulled over to the side of the road, joined hands and
asked God to deliver us home safely.
3) We got home safely.
4) Therefore, God exists.
180. ARGUMENT FROM COMPUTERS (I) (ROBERT T. LEE'S ARGUMENT)
1) I tried to delete a copy of the Ten Commandments from my hard
drive.
2) But I got an error message saying that the file could not be
deleted.
3) Therefore, my computer has more sense than the atheist who
built it.
4) Therefore, God exists.
181. ARGUMENT FROM COMPUTERS (II)
1) An atheist tried to delete a copy of the Ten Commandments from
his hard drive.
2) He succeeded.
3) Let us pray that his computer comes to a true and lasting
repentance for this most grievous of sins.
4) Therefore, God exists.
182. ARGUMENT FROM BIBLICAL INTERPRETATION
1) Every interpretation of a Bible verse that any atheist ever
makes for any reason whatsoever is either based on a
mistranslation, or is taken out of context.
2) Therefore, there are no errors or contradictions in the
Bible.
3) Yes, pi is equal to 3.
4) Yes it is.
5) YES IT IS!!!
6) Therefore, God exists.
183. ARGUMENT FROM INVISIBILITY
1) God is invisible.
2) I can't see God.
3) Therefore, God exists.
184. ARGUMENT FROM MONEY
1) All U.S. currency displays the motto "In God We Trust."
2) Therefore, God exists.
185. ARGUMENT FROM MATHEMATICS
1) a^2-b^2=(a+b)*(a-b)
2) Therefore, God exists.
186. ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER (II)
1) I wanted a sunny day, so I prayed God to not make it rain.
2) We had three thunderstorms.
3) Clearly God was punishing me for my selfish desires.
4) Therefore, God exists.
187. METACROCK'S ARGUMENT FROM
FORMAL EDUCATION
1) I have a philosophy degree.
2) Therefore your knowledge of philosophy is pitiful compared to
mine.
3) Therefore, you cannot comprehend my intense philosophical
proofs of God's existence (such as the one below).
4) Therefore, God exists.
188. METACROCK'S ARGUMENT FROM
ARBITRARY NECESSITY
1) I have invented the term "arbitrary necessity."
2) It is a golden principle which applies to whatever I say it
does.
3) I say an eternal universe is an arbitrary necessity.
4) Therefore, God exists.
189. PEACOCK'S ARGUMENT FROM SELECTIVE READING
1) Here are the reasons why the first sentence of this atheist's
essay is wrong.
2) [atheist points out that those reasons are refuted in the
atheist's essay, from the second sentence onward.]
3) I only read the first sentence of the essay, so I am not aware
of any refutations of my reasons.
4) Therefore, God exists.
190. ARGUMENT FROM BEER (II)
1) "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
--Ben Franklin
2) Beer exists.
3) Therefore, God exists.
191. ARGUMENT FROM BEER (III)
1) Christian: Whatever you believe in, that is your God.
2) Atheist: I believe I'll have another beer.
3) Ha ha ha!
4) Therefore, God exists.
192. ARGUMENT FROM MONKEYS
1) If men came from monkeys, there shouldn't be monkeys around
anymore.
2) But there are still monkeys around.
3) Therefore, God exists.
193. ARGUMENT FROM C.S. LEWIS
1) C.S. Lewis had a lot of good arguments for Christianity -- at
least that's what my Christian friends tell me.
2) C.S. Lewis also wrote a lot of popular books.
3) So C.S. Lewis must have been right!
4) Therefore, God exists.
194. ARGUMENT FROM DEAD FIREFIGHTERS
1) All those dead firefighters were blessed by a Catholic priest
before they gave their lives.
2) They were too mostly Catholic!
3) I just know!
4) Therefore, God exists.
195. ARGUMENT FROM JERRY FALWELL
1) Jerry Falwell said some really stupid things after 9-11.
2) He was then inspired by God to apologize, publically.
3) No, the public outcry had nothing to do with it!
4) God told me, that's how I know.
5) Therefore, God exists.
196. ARGUMENT FROM ELECTORAL DEMOGRAPHICS
1) Most Americans believe in God.
2) Many of them vote.
3) Therefore, God exists.
197. BENDER'S ARGUMENT FROM CONFETTI
1) One night I considered taking the gospel to some war
orphans.
2) The next morning I found a scrap of newspaper outside, and on
it were the words "Go for it."
3) Random coincidence? I think not!
4) Therefore, God exists.
198. ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTISTS
1) Some famous scientists believed in God.
2) Therefore, God exists.
199. ARGUMENT FROM INSTRUMENTATION
1) You are an atheist.
2) You did something nice.
3) Therefore, you were an instrument of God.
4) Therefore, God exists.
200. ARGUMENT FROM QUANTUM PHYSICS
1) Quantum physics uses an uncertainty principle.
2) There is room for God.
3) Therefore, God exists.
201. ARGUMENT FROM APOLOGETICS WEBSITES
1) I was surfing the net, and found this cool website of
arguments for God's existence.
2) The arguments were stunning. I couldn't refute them.
3) Therefore, God exists.
202. ARGUMENT FROM EXISTENTIALISTIC LONLINESS
1) This can't be all there is to life.
2) I mean, it's all so depressing and nasty and brutal.
3) I'm lonely.
4) There has to be something else out there.
5) I mean, there just has to be.
6) THERE JUST HAS TO BE SOMETHING ELSE OUT THERE!!
7) AARRGGHH!!! THERE JUST HAS TO BE!!!
8) I know! God! God can be out there for me!
9) Yay, I don't feel so lonely anymore!
10) Therefore, God exists.
203. ARGUMENT FROM SINS I LIKE
1) In my opinion, abortion is wrong.
2) I want facts to back up my opinions.
3) In the absence of facts, morals will do.
4) Christians say that abortion is a sin.
5) Yay, I have allies!
6) Therefore, God exists.
204. DAVID MATHEWS' ARGUMENT (ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN
SOLIPSISM)
1) Nothing is real except Jesus.
2) See (1).
3) Therefore, God exists.
205. ARGUMENT FROM RATHER ODD LANGUAGE
1) My usage of certain words, such as "exists," is arbitrarily
and idiosyncratically different from their usage in ordinary
discourse.
2) Therefore, God exists.
206. ARGUMENT FROM CATS
1) Cats are really mean.
2) I mean, look at them chase around those cute little mice.
3) No animal could act that way on instinct.
4) Therefore, cats are corrupted by the devil!
5) Therefore, God exists.
207. KIERKEGAARD'S ARGUMENT (ARGUMENT FROM THE THRONE ROOM)
1) Would you stand before a mighty king and ask him to prove his
existence to you?
2) No?
3) That's what you're doing with God, you arrogant bastards!
4) I don't CARE if you can't see him!
5) Therefore, God exists.
208. ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF IMAGINATION
1) I can't imagine not believing in God.
2) Therefore, God exists.
209. ARGUMENT FROM TUNA FISH
1) Nothing is better than God.
2) A tuna fish sandwich is better than nothing.
3) Therefore, a tuna fish sandwich is better than God. (And
tastier, too.)
4) Therefore, God exists.
4a) But you'd be better off worshipping the tuna fish
sandwich.
210. ARGUMENT FROM WOW
1) Wow.
2) Therefore, God exists.
211. ARGUMENT FROM KINDLY PSYCHOANALYSIS
1) You say there's no God?
2) Ah, someone calling themselves Christians must have really
hurt you in the past.
3) I'm sorry.
4) Therefore, God exists.
212. ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN EXPERTS ARE IGNORED
1) Dembski, Behe and Plantinga are ignored by mainstream
intellectuals.
2) Only a fear of the truth could explain this.
3) Therefore, God exists.
213. ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN EXPERTS ARE NOT IGNORED
1) Dembski, Behe and Plantinga are listened to by many mainstream
intellectuals.
2) Only a recognition of the truth could explain this.
3) Therefore, God exists.
214. ARGUMENT FROM COUNTERFACTUAL EVIDENCE
1) You claim that there is no proof of God's existence.
2) But if there were tons of evidence, you still wouldn't be
convinced.
3) Therefore, God exists.
215. CHUCK GREENBERG'S ARGUMENT (ARGUMENT FROM THERE'S SOMETHING
WRONG HERE)
1) Okay, so maybe all the theistic arguments are less than
perfect.
2) But those atheistic arguments aren't that great either.
3) I don't know, there's just something WRONG about them.
4) Therefore, God exists.
216. ARGUMENT FROM LOVE
1) What about love, atheists? You believe in love, right? You
don't deny that love exists, do you? Love!
2) Therefore, God exists.
217. ARGUMENT FROM CANADIAN ROCK BAND
.erehwyreve nataS morf segassem neddih era erehT (1
.neam I tahw ees ll'uoy dna sdrawkcab drocer hsuR a yalp tsuJ
(2
.stsixe doG ,eroferehT (3
218. ARGUMENT FROM UNSEEN MIRACLES
1) Atheists wouldn't believe in God even if he showed up and
performed a miracle for them.
2) See? That was a miracle right over there! Didn't you see
it?
3) No?
4) You must be an atheist. Therefore, you can't see miracles.
5) But miracles really happen -- you just can't see them.
6) Therefore, God exists.
219. ARGUMENT FROM ALL YOUR BASE
1) Someone set up us the bomb.
2) We get signal.
3) Main screen turn on.
4) How are you, gentlemen.
5) All your base are belong to us.
6) What you say!
7) You have no chance to survive make your time.
8) Ha ha ha ha....
9) Move *zig.*
10) You know what you're doing.
11) For great justice, take off every *zig.*
12) Therefore, God exist.
220. ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN MAN STANDING OUTSIDE THE TATE MODERN
AND SHOUTING AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS
1) Prove you have a mother.
2) I don't believe you.
3) If you can't prove you have a mother, I don't have to prove
God exists.
4) And I have a man here dressed as Satan who agrees with me.
5) And I have a loud voice.
6) And a cowboy hat.
7) Therefore, God exists.
221. ARGUMENT FROM WIND
1) You can't see the wind.
2) But you believe in it.
3) It's the same way with God.
4) It is TOO the same thing!
5) Therefore, God exists.
222. ARGUMENT FROM WARREN ROBINETT
1) There's a secret message in the video game "Adventure."
2) It reveals that the game was Created by Warren Robinett.
3) It's the same way with the world. Look for the secret
messages, and you will find the World's Creator.
4) Therefore, God exists.
223. GOODY2SHOES' ARGUMENT FROM OFFENSIVENESS
1) You keep making statements that offend me. I will only stay if
you stop that.
2) [atheist tries to be non-offensive.]
3) You're still offending me.
4) [atheist tries harder not to be offensive.]
5) I'm still offended.
6) [atheist tears her hair out trying to figure out how to be
non-offensive.]
7) I think we should stop this conversation. You're too
offensive.
8) [atheist says "Sod it" and posts what she really thinks.]
9) WOW! What a bigot!
10) I have a spiritual victory.
11) Therefore, God exists.
224. ARGUMENT FROM THE FIVE-KNUCKLE SHUFFLE / ARGUMENT FROM
SMUGNESS (II)
1) [atheist gives reasons why God does not exist]
2) You're a jerkoff.
3) Therefore, God exists.
225. GOODY2SHOES' ARGUMENT FROM PRIVATE ARGUMENT
1) You are the most bigoted person I've ever come across.
2) Let's communicate by email.
3) Therefore, God exists.
226. TERCEL'S ARGUMENT FROM MULTIPLICITY
1) I have a large number of arguments for God.
2) There is a small chance that each of them is true.
3) Using voodoo probability calculations, this means that there
is a much greater chance that all of them are true taken
together!
4) And no, this ISN'T just the mathematical version of the
Ontological Argument. I'm a real mathematician, and you obviously
can't understand this proof because you don't know as much about
math as I do.
5) And let's not confuse things by mentioning how many atheistic
arguments there are, and the probability of each of them being
correct.
6) Or the fact that I basically pulled the probability for each
argument being correct out of my ass.
7) Just admit that I know more about math than you do.
8) Therefore, God exists.
227. ARGUMENT FROM TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE
1) One time I was in deep emotional pain.
2) I prayed to God, and felt his presence.
3) You aren't going to deny my emotional pain, now are you?
4) Therefore, God exists.
228. ARGUMENT FROM SELF-ABUSE
1) Once I fasted for three days straight, prayed on my knees for
hours, and didn't sleep, either.
2) At the end of that time, God answered me.
3) No, it was NOT just a hallucination.
4) Therefore, God exists.
229. ARGUMENT FROM ECSTASY
1) I woke up last night with a feeling of indescribable pleasure
and joy.
2) It couldn't have been sexual -- I'm holy and never have
thoughts like those.
3) So the ecstasy must have come from God.
4) Therefore, God exists.
230. KENT HOVIND'S PRAGMATIC ARGUMENT
1) I don't want to work for a living.
2) I don't want to pay taxes.
3) I can get gullible fundamentalists to send me money.
4) I can use religious exemption claims to tie the IRS up in
court.
5) Therefore, God exists.
231. ARGUMENT FROM LOVE ALL AROUND
1) I can just FEEL love all around me. I know the world is a good
place, that people are essentially good, and that that comes from
God.
2) I don't know how I know. It's just there. You've never felt
it?
3) I don't know how I know. Stop pestering me!
4) [cries until nasty atheist goes away]
5) Therefore, God exists.
232. ARGUMENT FROM CLASSICAL MUSIC
1) You like classical music.
2) Classical composers wrote for God.
3) [atheist points out that they had to compose for the Church or
they would have been executed]
4) But they wrote for God and you like the music.
5) Therefore, God exists.
233. ARGUMENT FROM SADISM (I)
1) I enjoy beating children.
2) I find some justification for it in the Bible.
3) Therefore, God exists.
234. ARGUMENT FROM SADISM (II)
1) I enjoy treating women like dirt. It makes me feel
powerful.
2) I find some justification for it in the Bible.
3) Therefore, God exists.
235. BENDER'S ARGUMENT FROM NUMBERS (UPDATED)
1) I have these two functions that have (up to 7 decimal places)
a common root.
2) Some of the numbers involved in the functions are the same
numbers used for various things in the Bible.
3) It wasn't a coincidence that I found these functions. God gave
me them.
4) What? You want me to actually prove that? That's unfair!!!
5) Therefore, God exists.
236. ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE (II)
1) The Bible says the Bible is true.
2) Therefore, the Bible is true.
3) The Bible says God exists.
4) Therefore, God exists.
237. WILLIAM JAMES' ARGUMENT
1) We should give people the benefit of the doubt.
2) A lot of people say God exists.
3) Therefore, God exists.
238. PASCAL'S ARGUMENT
1) If God exists, it would be really cool.
2) If God didn't exist, it would really suck.
3) Therefore, God exists.
239. ARGUMENT FROM BIBLICAL PRESERVATION
1) The Bible hasn't changed that much since it was written.
2) Therefore, everything in it must be true.
3) Therefore, God exists.
240. ARGUMENT FROM PROPHECY
1) Jesus clearly fulfilled all the prophecies of the Jews.
2) That's why there are no Jews alive today.
3) (If you see a Jew, you should probably kill him to make (2)
work.)
4) Therefore, God exists.
241. ARGUMENT FROM STEWARDSHIP
1) God gave us the earth to take care of it.
2) We do.
3) Therefore, God exists.
242. ARGUMENT FROM THERMODYNAMICS
1) All systems become chaotic.
2) The Universe, too, will become chaotic.
3) Therefore, God exists.
243. ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISM
1) Unicorns don't exist.
2) Therefore, God exists.
244. ARGUMENT FROM THE MEANING OF LIFE
1) What's the meaning of life?
2) [atheist answers]
3) That's not what I believe.
4) Therefore, God exists.
245. ARGUMENT FROM GOD'S NAME IN VAIN
1) People use God's name when cursing.
2) Therefore, God exists.
246. VELIKOVSKY'S ARGUMENT
1) If you twist the details enough, you can make a case for
Venus, as a comet, causing the Biblical catastrophes.
2) Therefore the Bible is true.
3) Therefore, God exists.
247. ARGUMENT FROM CAN'T-BE-A-RACIST
1) Martin Luther King, Jr. believed in God.
2) You don't want to say that Dr. King was a fool, do you?
3) That's what I thought.
4) Therefore, God exists.
248. ARGUMENT FROM JESUS TORTURE
1) No one ever, ever suffered as much as Jesus did on the
cross.
2) No, not the victims of the Inquisition.
3) No, not the women burned at the stake or hanged as
witches.
4) No, not all the people who died thinking they were going to
Hell.
5) Who but God would suffer like that for us ungrateful, unworthy
humans?
6) Therefore, God exists.
249. ARGUMENT FROM SEVERABILITY
1) Lots of ridiculous statements are made by people who only
CLAIM to be Real Christians.
2) They just give Real Christians a bad name.
3) Real Christians don't believe that [insert Biblical reference]
is literally true.
4) But that doesn't mean the Bible isn't still mostly true.
5) Therefore, God exists.
250. ARGUMENT FROM MONEY
1) I've got a quarter here, and look: it says "In God We
Trust."
2) Therefore, God exists.
251. ARGUMENT FROM P.O.D.
1) P.O.D. is a Christian rock band that all of my friends
love.
2) [atheist: Actually, they sound very manufactured and have
cookie cutter lyrics.]
3) But one of their songs is a memorial to the Columbine
massacre! You must be a wretched heartless aggressive homicidal
loner if you don't feel compassion for those who died at the
Columbine shooting!
4) [atheist: That's not what I said . . . it's nice of them to
write a memorial song for the Columbine victims, but that's just
for publici--]
5) See? P.O.D. is a great band. And they are sharing the love of
our lord Jesus Christ with everybody.
6) [atheist: Aren't you listening? P.O.D. might have written a
song about Columbine, but that doesn't mean they have any musical
tal--]
7) Therefore, God exists.
252. ARGUMENT FROM BECAUSE
1) Because.
2) Therefore, God exists.
<253. ARGUMENT FROM BECAUSE (EXPANDED)
1) Because.
2) Because why?
3) Because!
4) Therefore, God exists.
254. ARGUMENT FROM THE OPINIONS OF RESPECTED ACADEMICS
1) Our reporters have canvassed the opinions of various
representatives of the 'Christian Academy of Unreal Fundyism.'
This Institution has its headquarters in the Bible Belt of the
United States but there are numerous branches in North America,
Europe and throughout the World (as well indeed as in
Heaven).
2) First we interviewed Professor Charles Razy, Head of the
Department of Scientific Theology and Professor Ivan Diot Head of
the Department of Theological Science, whose family originate
from Eastern Europe. Professor Razy explained that there are
innumerable demonstrations that Christianity must be the true
religion. These proofs are so numerous that he cannot possibly
demonstrate them all here. None the less all Believers with sound
religious faith agree with Dr. Razy's considered opinions and
those who disagree are CLEARLY GUILTY of wilfully refusing to
recognize the TRUTH.
3) Professor Diot explained that he concurred totally with his
respected colleague. Dr Diot stated further as is well known
nasty Communists are not religious, therefore religion must be a
good thing. The Professor added, 'If you don't support religion I
suppose that means you're some kind of nasty Commie.'
4) Dr. Frank Oolish, of the Department of History informed us the
historical evidence that Jesus is God is indeed overwhelming. His
divine nature is accepted by all Believers with sound religions
faith. Dr F.Oolish added the opinions of those whose faith is
shaky counts for little. The opinions of those without faith
doesn't count at all.
5) We sought the opinions of two students, Mr Yolland Edward
Stanley Man and Miss Timi Doreen Miranda Ouse. Mr Y.E.S.Man,who
is researching a Ph.D. in, 'Scientific Proof of the Divinity of
Christ' stated that he concurred in all respects with Professor
C.Razy and Professor I.Diot. Such agreement had got him safely
through his undergraduate studies. Mr Y.E.S.Man regretted that
the Degrees, Doctorates, Professorships and other qualifications
awarded by the Christian Academy of Unreal Fundyism are not
consistently recognised by ungodley Universities. This, he said
clearly proves the work of the devil.
6) Miss Timi.D.M.Ouse confirmed that she is sure the men are
right. This she knows is the sound course of action for a woman
as GENESIS states clearly that woman was created as the companion
and helpmate of man. Our intrepid reporters asked her how she
explained that in the Epistle to the Galatians it says that in
Christ there is neither male nor female. Miss Timi.D.M.Ouse
informed us that she does not know how to deal with the
contradiction, she would have to ask the men. Meanwhile could we
excuse her as it was her turn to make the coffee.
7) At this point we met Dr Sirus Tupid, a visiting lecturer from
Britain. Dr S.Tupid received his schooling under the strict and
Spartan regime of a British Public School. He is currently
writing a paper on the need for sound chastisement to teach
children right from wrong.
8) We tried to discuss with him why psycologists disagreed with
him over chastisement. Dr Tupid explained that psychologists were
clearly unbiblical. God would grant those with sound Christian
beliefs victory. 'What will you do then?' we asked. Dr Tupid
smiled, 'Naturally', he said 'I will practice Christian
forgiveness ----- together with due punishment as prescribed in
the bible.'
9) Therefore, God exists.
255. ARGUMENT FROM UNIQUE EXISTENCE
1) God exists, but not in a way that anything else that exists
exists.
2) Since there are no other things that exist as God exists, we
are free to make up things about God's state of existence that
ensure his continued non-observability.
3) Therefore, God exists.
256. TAFFY LEWIS'S ARGUMENT FROM POSITIVE RELIGIOUS
EXPERIENCE
1) More people have had positive religious experiences in the
context of Western theism.
2) It follows that God is kind, just, and all-loving.
3) Those people who have had negative experiences, or experiences
of God's nonexistence, don't count.
4) Therefore, God exists.
257. ARGUMENT FROM RIGHTS
1) The Declaration of Independence founded the United States, and
is therefore true.
2) The Declaration says that our rights are "endowed by our
Creator."
3) Dubya agrees with this.
4) You have rights, don't you?
5) Well then, where the hell do you think they came from?!?
6) Therefore, God exists
258. ARGUMENT FROM FUTURE EVIDENCE
1) Look, I realize that it doesn't seem to make sense that there
would logically be a God.
2) However, I know He's real, and that in the future I think that
maybe something will happen probably that will show you all.
3) Therefore, God exists.
259. ARGUMENT FROM POSTULATE
1) To fully understand the following demonstration, you must
first assume that God exists.
2) Therefore, God exists.
260. ARGUMENT FROM POOR TYPING SKILLS
1) In tihs essae ill demnstrate that gOd exsits in a way tat's so
sure thatno athesit can PSOosibly reftue. J will firts
dwmonsrtate waht we canaSSUme fo rGod exisnce,,then how wwe can
refute anya rgument wihch pretends teh contrrary to eb true,tehn
wel'l expose scinetific evidnece thatGod eeexists then we'll
cnolcude. yOU will fnid an acurate up 2date bibliography no teh
page 43 of tihs essay;i Sugegst yu to pritn iths doculent for a
mroe confortable raeding.
2) [atheist doesn't bother to read it]
3) Therefore, God exists.
261. ARGUMENT FROM UNTRANSLATED OLD FRENCH
1) « Mais pourceque j'avois déjà connu en moi
très clairement que la nature intelligente est distincte
de la corporelle; considérant que toute composition
témoigne de la dépendance, et que la
dépendance est manifestement un défaut, je jugeois
de là que ce ne pouvoit être une perfection en Dieu
d'être composé de ces deux natures, et que par
conséquent il ne l'étoit pas; mais que s'il y avoit
quelques corps dans le monde, ou bien quelques intelligences ou
autres natures qui ne fussent point toutes parfaites, leur
être devoit dépendre de sa puissance, en telle sorte
quelles ne pouvoient subsister sans lui un seul moment.
»
2) How could you possibly refute that?
3) Therefore, God exists.
262. ARGUMENT FROM CLEVER USE OF VOCABULARY
1) Many atheists will not be convinced by an argument with
"Therefore, God exists" as its conclusion.
2) Consequently, God exists.
263. ARGUMENT FROM IGNORANCE
1) I don't understand evolution. I mean, how could there be
nothing rather than something?
2) [atheist gives articulate explanation of evolution, and gently
explains that the beginning of the universe has nothing to do
with evolution.]
3) Well it seems way too complicated and unlikely to me. Plus, I
don't want to live my life thinking I evolved from a monkey.
4) Therefore, God exists, and Jesus died for our sins.
5) [atheist points out that theists' ignorance of evolution does
not mean that there is a god, let alone the Christian god.]
6) Says you, god bless.
7) Therefore, God exists.
264. DAVID MATHEWS' ARGUMENT FROM HATRED
1) All you atheists hate me.
2) I have a use for that hatred.
3) Are you by any chance a Real Live Girl?
4) Therefore, God exists.
4a) ...and he told me to follow you home.
265. "BISHOP" DONNY SHORT'S ARGUMENT
1) Moral genocide is a suitable solution to many of life's
problems.
2) This merciful act is described in the Bible.
3) Disagree with me, and I will kill you / deport you / sue you /
report you to the FBI / sic my wife on you (whichever is
appropriate).
4) Therefore, God exists.
266. ARGUMENT FROM CHURCH
1) Lots of people go to church
2) Therefore, God exists.
267. ARGUMENT FROM PHOTO-OP
1) A couple of godless commie federal judges ruled the 1954
inclusion of "under God" in the Pledge unconstitutional.
2) Almost immediately thereafter, the entire U.S. Senate recited
the Pledge, including "under God," on the Capitol steps.
3) The Senators' conduct was NOT -- I repeat, NOT -- mere
political posturing and/or vote whoring.
4) Therefore, God exists.
268. ARGUMENT FROM PARIEDOLIA
1) I went to John (the Baptist)
2) I went through the motions.
3) I used the toilet paper.
4) I beheld the soiled toilet paper.
5) And behold, there was the figure of the Virgin Mary.
6) Therefore, God exists.
269. ARGUMENT FROM ORGASM
1) I don't arbitrarily call out names.
2) And yet last night, I screamed God's name on multiple
occasions.
3) Therefore, God exists.
270. ARGUMENT FROM DEFENESTRATION
1) If God exists, then He will protect me if I jump out this
third-story window.
2) You, however, will not be so fortunate, you unsaved
heathen.
3) *shove*
4) See? God didn't protect you, just like I predicted.
5) Any counterarguments? No?
6) Therefore, God exists.
271. ARGUMENT FROM MUSHROOMS
1) This pizza tastes funny.
2) That purple llama on the ceiling is juggling chainsaws.
3) Purple llamas can't juggle chainsaws.
4) It must be a miracle!
5) Therefore, God exists.
272. ARGUMENT FROM MYTHOLOGY
1) The Old Religions were wrong.
2) The Old Religions didn't believe in the same god as me.
3) Therefore, I must be right.
4) Therefore, God exists.
273. ARGUMENT FROM ACCUSATION
1) The Bible says that everyone knows God exists.
2) Therefore, YOU know that God exists.
3) Therefore, God exists.
274. ARGUMENT FROM NOT BELIEVING
1) The Bible said that we would be doubted
2) You doubt us.
3) Therefore, the Bible is true.
4) Therefore, God exists.
275. ARGUMENT FROM BANANAS
1) Bananas have many characteristics that make them attractive as
primate food.
2) They're so good, they must have been created by a divine
being.
3) Therefore, God exists.
276. FALWELL'S ARGUMENT FROM METEORS
1) God hates gay people.
2) God is merciful.
3) Disney World held a Gay Day parade.
4) God could have punished them by sending earthquakes,
hurricanes, or possibly a meteor down on Florida.
5) He didn't.
6) Therefore, (1) and (2) are correct.
7) Therefore, God exists.
277. ARGUMENT FROM COAL MINERS
1) A bunch of coal miners got trapped.
2) A bunch of people worked around the clock for a week to rescue
them.
3) They were all found alive.
4) Only God could have done that.
5) Therefore, God exists.
278. THE YOUTH GROUP LEADER'S ARGUMENT
1) God is awesome!
2) Like, totally, dude!
3) Therefore, God, like, exists and stuff.
279. ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL INABILITY
1) The Bible says Jesus turned water into wine.
2) Can you turn water into wine?
3) No? Well, there ya go.
4) Therefore, God exists.
280. ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL ABILITY
1) I prayed to God, and then lifted a car off my trapped
daughter.
2) I couldn't have done that without God.
3) Therefore, God exists.
281. ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE OPPOSITION
1) Satan is bad.
2) You don't want to be on Satan's side, do you?
3) Therefore, God exists.
282. THE YOUTH GROUP LEADER'S ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE OPPOSITION
1) Satan, like, really sucks.
2) You don't wanna be like Satan, right dude?
3) Therefore, God, like, exists and stuff. Totally.
283. ARGUMENT FROM BUFFALO
1) The Indians used every part of the buffalo.
2) A creature we can use every part of couldn't have just
randomly evolved.
3) It had to be created by a divine being who spent his early
years churning out buffalo.
4) Therefore, God exists.
284. ARGUMENT FROM DENTAL OPPORTUNITY OFFERED
1) Bite me.
2) Therefore, God exists.
285. ARGUMENT FROM DENTAL OPPORTUNITY ACCEPTED
1) Bite me.
2) OW! YOU BIT ME!
3) I'm being persecuted!
4) Therefore, God exists.
286. NEW AGE ARGUMENT
1) If enough people just believe, God exists.
2) Lots of people have been believing for a very long time.
3) Therefore, surely by NOW, God exists.
287. ARGUMENT FROM BEAUTY
1) Look how beautiful you are.
2) If you evolved, you'd be pretty ugly.
3) Only God could have made you beautiful.
4) I don't care that beauty is totally subjective -- you are
beautiful in God's eyes!
5) Therefore, God exists.
288. ARGUMENT FROM BRAINWASHING
1) Atheists claim that Christians have been brainwashed by
churches, priests and religious environment.
2) Yeah, well, you have been brainwashed by secular colleges and
universities! Your brainwashing keeps you from the Truth!
3) Therefore, God exists.
289. ARGUMENT FROM COMMUNISM
1) All communists are atheists.
2) All communists are bad.
3) Therefore they are wrong.
4) The moral majority is are theists and non-communists.
5) Therefore they are good.
6) Therefore they are right.
7) This argument does so make sense!
8) Therefore, God exists.
290. ARGUMENT FROM WHATEVER I DO
1) Sometimes I do good things, and sometimes I do bad things.
2) When I do good things, this proves that God is helping me to
be good.
3) When I do bad things, this proves that the devil has tempted
me to do evil, and I need God's help to overcome temptation.
4) So whatever I do, it proves that God exists.
5) Therefore, God exists
291. ARGUMENT FROM BEER (IV)
1) Real men like beer.
2) God allowed real men to make beer.
3) Therefore, God exists, and likes beer.
292. ARGUMENT FROM TAXATION
1) Churches don't pay taxes.
2) Therefore, God exists.
293. ARGUMENT FROM GOD'S PLAN
1) Things are the way they are.
2) Therefore, there is a plan in this world.
3) Both my belief and your nonbelief are a part of this plan.
4) [atheist: "Why?"]
5) The plan is too infinitely great for our minds to comprehend
the "why."
6) Therefore, the plan must have an infinitely great mind behind
it.
7) Therefore, God exists.
294. ARGUMENT FROM HAULING ASS
1) [theist creates message board account and logs in.]
2) *GOD IS REEL AND ALL U HEATHEN ATHIEST INFEDILS WILL BURN IN
HEL FORE EVER MARK MY WERDS!!!!!!!@#3FD*
3) [theist logs off and never returns.]
4) Therefore, God exists.
295. BAPTISTBOARD'S ARGUMENT FROM PECULIARITY
1) God calls for us to be a peculiar people.
2) Stop laughing, atheist.
3) In order to preserve our own particular peculiarity . . .
4) I said, stop laughing.
5) . . . we must be a people apart. This means not listening to
anyone who believes differently than we do, because this would
taint our peculiarity.
6) IF YOU DO NOT STOP LAUGHING . . .
7) Therefore, God exists.
7a) . . . especially since the atheists are laughing at us.
296. ARGUMENT FROM TINKERTOYS
1) Take some tinkertoys and make several "creations."
2) Take the creations apart and dump the pieces in a plastic
bag.
3) Shake the pieces up and dump them on the floor.
4) Repeat as often as you wish.
5) The tinkertoys will never reassemble themselves into the
original creations.
6) Therefore, God exists.
297. ARGUMENT FROM HOSPITAL
1) A dear relative of mine was terminally ill and undergoing
extensive surgery in the hospital.
2) My whole family sat outside the OR and prayed throughout the
eight hours of surgery.
3) He lived.
4) The highly trained physicians had nothing to do with it.
5) Therefore, God exists.
298. ARGUMENT FROM WEIRD
1) You look weird, atheist.
2) Therefore, God exists.
299. ARGUMENT FROM ALIENS
1) What we call aliens are really demons. The Bible says so.
2) If demons exist, then so does God.
3) You've seen "The X-Files," haven't you?
4) Therefore, God exists.
300. ARGUMENT FROM REVELATION
1) God told me that he exists.
2) God wouldn't lie.
3) Therefore, God exists.
301. ARGUMENT FROM SURPLUS POPULATION
1) [Christian kills atheist]
2) Therefore, God exists.
302. ARGUMENT FROM UNCONSCIOUS THEISM
1) Atheists think that the universe created life.
2) At least they should, if they are smart.
3) But only a God could create like.
4) So atheists should believe in God. They're just too dumb.
5) Therefore, God exists.
303. ARGUMENT FROM VERY SPECIAL EXPERIENCE
1) I had this incredible experience that could only have come
from God.
2) No, there is no way that this could be explained
naturally.
3) No, alternate explanations p, q, r, s, t, u, w, x, y and z
cannot explain it.
4) Because they can't!
5) How dare you deny my very special experience!
6) You don't want to believe that what I experienced is from God,
because you're a closed-minded, dogmatic materialist!
7) And you're a big meanie! I'm not talking to you anymore!
8) Therefore, God exists.
304. ARGUMENT FROM JOHN COLTRANE
1) John Coltrane's "A Love Supreme" is dedicated to God.
2) It is full of passion.
3) Atheists can't explain that passion.
4) Therefore, God exists.
305. ARGUMENT FROM GEORGE HARRISON
1) George Harrison wrote "My Sweet Lord."
2) It's one of the most beautiful pop songs ever, and one of the
only pop songs devoted to God.
3) I don't care if it is plagiarized from "He's So Fine!"
4) And no, the backup singers are NOT singing "Hare Krishna!"
5) Therefore, God exists.
306. ARGUMENT FROM PAPAL AUTHORITY
1) The Pope believes in God.
2) The Pope is infallible.
3) I am Catholic, and I like the Pope.
4) Therefore, God exists.
307. BAPTISTBOARD'S ARGUMENT FROM BEING A BAPTIST
1) Lots of people on the BB believe in God.
2) I like them.
3) And you know, they sure seem wise to me.
4) Therefore, God exists.
308. ARGUMENT FROM GAME THEORY
1) Pursuant to game theory, belief in an afterlife is the most
sensible option.
2) No, this is NOT Pascal's Wager in different clothes!
3) Therefore, God exists.
309. ARGUMENT FROM INCONSISTENCY (POLKINGHORNE'S MILLION-DOLLAR
ARGUMENT)
1) If the Bible were cooked up by fakers, it would have been
perfect and seamless and without any apparent inconsistencies, to
make it look like the word of God.
2) But the Bible IS inconsistent, erroneous, and plain goofy in
many places.
3) Therefore, the Bible is NOT the product of fakers.
4) It must be the word of God. Amen.
5) Therefore, God exists.
310. ARGUMENT FROM BUZZWORDS
1) As our modal analysis clearly shows, the irreducibly complex
nature of the universe indivates probabilistic fine-tuning at the
quantum level and renders God logically necessary.
2) Therefore, god exists.
311. ARGUMENT FROM WHINEY ATHEISTS
1) Things hurt.
2) Atheists think that things aren't supposed to hurt.
3) They really are whiney, aren't they?
4) Christians know better than that.
5) Therefore, God exists.
312. ARGUMENT FROM RELIGIOUS DIVERSITY
1) Atheists think that the difference in religiouns disprove
God's existence.
2) To-may-to, to-mah-to.
3) Everyone knows that you must accept Jesus Christ in order to
be saved.
4) Well, everyone who matters, anyway.
5) Therefore, God exists.
313. ARGUMENT FROM RELIGIOUS LANGUAGE
1) God exists.
2) Therefore, when I talk about God or related concepts, these
words denote something.
3) Therefore, God exists.
314. ARGUMENT FROM EVOLUTION
1) Science is always true.
2) Science says that there is a vanishingly small chance that all
of this could have happened on its own.
3) Therefore, God exists.
315. ARGUMENT FROM SCIENCE
1) Science is not always true
2) Therefore, there is room for religious faith.
3) Therefore, God exists.
316. ARGUMENT FROM MONTY PYTHON
1) Graham Chapman appeared in a film that made fun of Jesus.
2) He later died of a horrible, incurable disease.
3) Still laughing?
4) Therefore, God exists.
317. ARGUMENT FROM WAR
1) War is hell.
2) Therefore, God exists.
318. ARGUMENT FROM CLEVER USE OF VOCABULARY (II)
1) Nonexistence exists.
2) Therefore, even if God is nonexistent, God exists.
3) Therefore, God exists.
319. ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE POWERS
1) God exists.
2) This could only be the work of God.
3) Therefore, God exists.
320. ARGUMENT FROM OPPRESSION
1) God exists.
2) Atheist, are you saying that God doesn't exist?
3) You're oppressing me! You're depriving me of my right to
believe!
4) You must therefore be wrong.
5) Therefore, God exists.
321. ARGUMENT FROM NOT QUITE GETTING IT
1) Well, he wrote some books, right?
2) Right?
3) Therefore, God exists.
322. ARGUMENT FROM INFINITY LOVER WASTING EVERYBODY'S TIME
1) Infinity lover would just like to take this opportunity to say
hellp to Sweep and Opera Nut.
2) Therefore, God exists.
323. LEE STROBEL'S ARGUMENT (ARGUMENT FROM WARM AND FUZZY
THINGS)
1) I like warm and fuzzy things.
2) When I was an atheist, I didn't have any warm and fuzzy things
in my life.
3) If the New Testament is true, then lots of warm and fuzzy
things are true, beacuse all these really smart Christians say
so.
4) Old Testament? Never heard of it.
5) Therefore, God exists.
324. ARGUMENT FROM SCIENCE (II)
1) Everything was fine until man created science.
2) Therefore, God exists.
325. ARGUMENT FROM AMERICA
1) God bless America.
2) You're either for us or you're against us.
3) Therefore, God exists.
326. ARGUMENT FROM MASSIVE OPIATES
1) Got to keep the public distracted.
2) Therefore, God exists.
327. ARGUMENT FROM KING JOSIAH
1) Time to expand the kingdom.
2) Therefore, God exists.
328. JOHN ASHCROFT'S ARGUMENT
1) I say God exists.
2) I could have you locked up forever, you know.
3) Therefore, God exists.
329. ARGUMENT FROM IMMESURABLY REAL EFFECTS
1) God only makes his presence known through undetectable
spirituality.
2) This undetectable spirituality has made a real difference in
my life.
3) But you won't be able to measure it.
4) Therefore, God exists.
330. ARGUMENT FROM INDIGESTION
1) God burns unbelievers.
2) I'm an unbeliever.
3) I get heartburn when I watch TBN.
4) Therefore, God exists.
331. ARGUMENT FROM TEETH GNASHING
1) God makes unbelievers gnash their teeth in hell.
2) I'm an unbeliever.
3) Last time I watched Jack Van Impe, my teeth gnashed.
4) Therefore, God exists.
332. ARGUMENT FROM IT'S MY BALL AND YOU CAN'T PLAY
1) There is abundant logical and empirical evidence that God
does not exist.
2) There is no evidence that God does exist.
3) But God plays by completely different rules.
4) Therefore, God exists.
333. ARGUMENT FROM DISCOMFORT
1) I am happy, believing in God.
2) Then you come along and say all this nasty stuff to take my
happiness away.
3) *sniffsniff* Why are you making me uncomfortable?
4) Anyone who makes other people uncomfortable must be
different. And bad. And ignorant.
5) Daddy will hug me!
6) Therefore, God exists.
334. ARGUMENT FROM FREAKING
1) Look, you freaking atheists, God just freaking exists, and
you'll have to get freaking used to it, because I'm not going to
freaking argue with you anymore. Oh-freaking-kay?
2) Therefore, God freaking exists.
2a) Freaking.
335. ARGUMENT FROM LITTLE BABIES (I)
1) Sometimes a bad person hurts little babies because he
doesn't have a happy life.
2) Therefore, God exists.
336. ARGUMENT FROM LITTLE BABIES (II)
1) Sometimes little babies are different from one another --
how could you explain that? Like, one will be really happy, and
another will be sad. Sometimes even twins.
2) This proves the existence of unique souls.
3) Therefore, God exists.
337. ARGUMENT FROM A VIDEO I WATCHED WITH MY DAD
1) Me and my dad watched this video where the Virgin Mary
appeared on a building in Egypt. No, it was kinda blurry -- lots
of people saw it, though, and they were pointing at it.
2) Therefore, God exists.
338, ARGUMENT FROM CALENDAR
1) The years of our calendar are dated from the birth of
Christ.
2) Therefore, atheists can't live without making reference to
Christ.
3) Obviously, atheists can't really live apart from God, even
though they say they can.
4) Therefore, God exists.
339. ARGUMENT FROM GOD-CENTRISM
1) Everything revolves around God, even the earth and the
sun.
2) Therefore, even atheists revolve around God!
3) Silly, aren't they, to deny the truth?
4) Therefore, God exists.
340. ARGUMENT FROM FORGIVING MISGUIDEDNESS
1) [atheist presents disproofs of God's existence]
2) You're wrong, and your disbelief in God will send you to hell
-- but he loves you, and I forgive your arrogance.
3) Therefore, God exists.
341. ARGUMENT FROM FEELING GOD'S PRESENCE
1) Atheists just haven't truly felt God's presence yet.
2) If they had ever felt God's presence, they would not be
atheists.
3) Theists have truly felt God's presence.
4) Therefore, God exists.
342. ARGUMENT FROM WHAT MAKES SENSE
1) Doesn't it just MAKE MORE SENSE that an all-knowing,
all-powerful, all-good deity created the world out of
nothingness, essentially from magic, and then punished us for
eating a piece of fruit, and then incarnated himself in human
flesh and came down to shed his own blood so he could break his
own rules, and then went through hell on a temporary basis and
then went back into the sky and promised to come back and take
everyone who believed in him to this heaven that no one has ever
seen?
2) Well, doesn't it?
3) Therefore, God exists.
343. ARGUMENT FROM ABUSE OF OCCAM'S RAZOR
1) Okay, let's cut the crap. God exists, okay?
2) Therefore, God exists.
344. ARGUMENT FROM COMMON CONSEQUENCE
1) First question -- answer yes or no: Does God exist?
2) Second question -- answer yes or no: Are your answers to this
question and the preceeding question BOTH true or BOTH false?
3) If you answered yes to both questions, then God exists.
Here's why:
4) Either your answer to 2 is true or false. Suppose it's true.
Your answer was yes, so either both answers are true or both are
false. Since we have supposed it to be true, your answer to 1
must also be true -- otherwise one answer would be true and one
false.
5) Suppose your answer to 2 is false. Your answer was yes, so
one answer must be true and the other false. Since we have
supposed your answer to 2 to be false, your answer to 1 must be
true -- otherwise the answers to both questions would be
false.
6) Either way, your answer to the first question is true, and
God exists.
7) If you did not answer yes to both questions, then . . . just
go away.
8) Therefore, God exists.
345. SARFATI'S ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN
1) SA published an article that shows creationism is
nonsense.
2) The first editor of SA was a Christian.
3) Therefore, whoever wrote that article is a traitor and a
liar.
4) Besides, SA didn't hire any creationists in the 70s, so
they're obviously trying to persecute Christians.
5) Therefore, God exists.
346. ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN (II)
1) Answers In Genesis copied the full text of an article from
SA.
2) SA sent one email to AIG saying tha they don't necessarily
want their articles distributed for free on the Internet by just
anyone.
3) See! SA persecutes Christians!
4) Therefore, God exists.
347. ARGUMENT FROM PEPPERED MOTHS
1) Science texts still use the peppered moths to prove
evolution.
2) [atheist says that he has never seen a text which claims
anything of the sort -- in fact, the only place he hears about
peppered moths is from creationist websites.]
3) Obviously, then, the atheist has no clue what he's talking
about, then.
4) Therefore, God exists.
348. ARGUMENT FROM RADIO SIGNALS
1) There are many radio signals floating around your head all
the time.
2) God is on one of them.
3) You just have to listen to the right signal.
4) Therefore, God exists.
349. ARGUMENT FROM AGNOSTICISM IN INDIA
1) Would you call your agnostic experiences agnostic if you
had been raised in India?
2) Therefore, God exists.
350. ARGUMENT FROM BEST-SELLER
1) The Bible is the best-selling book in history.
2) Now, just because it's popular doesn't mean it's the Word of
God.
3) But there's not much evidence to suggest it's not.
4) [sound of nonbeliever spitting milk out her nose]
5) Therefore, God exists.
351. MODIFIED TRILEMMA ARGUMENT
1) Jesus was lord, liar, or lunatic.
2) Can you prove he was a liar?
3) Therefore, God exists.
352. ARGUMENT FROM ANARCHY
1) There has to be objective truth to the universe, and humans
have to be able to access it.
2) Otherwise there would be anarchy everywhere.
3) No courts, or governments, or anything.
4) [nonbeliever falls out of her chair from laughing]
5) Therefore, God exists.
353. ARGUMENT FROM YOU DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE RIGHT
1) You admit there is a theoretical possibility you're
wrong.
2) This means I'm right, because there is no theoretical
possibility of my being wrong.
3) Therefore, God exists.
354. ARGUMENT FROM ARCHITECTURE
1) There's a big statue of Jesus in Rio de Janeiro.
2) Jesus is the son of God.
3) Therefore, God exists.
355. ARGUMENT FROM WINDY, ANOREXIC RIGHT WING MOUTHPIECES
1) Ann Coulter believes in God -- so much so that she
advocated killing the leaders of all Arab countries and forcibly
converting the people who live in those countries to
Christianity.
2) Coulter's latest book was #1 on the bestseller list for a
while -- which, of course, proves that she's right about
everything.
3) Therefore, God exists.
356. ARGUMENT FROM CONFUSION OF KNOWLEDGE AND FAITH
1) I know that God exists.
2) I have faith that God exists.
3) See?
4) [nonbeliever: No.]
5) Well, you didn't know that your tap would give you water
today, did you?
6) You must have had faith that it did.
7) So knowledge and faith are the same thing.
8) So I know God exists.
9) Therefore, God exists.
357. ARGUMENT FROM YOUR BEST FRIEND'S FRIDGE
1) Suppose your best friend told you she had an old fridge she
would give you, sight unseen.
2) Would you question your best friend's word? No?
3) And yet some people dare to question God!
4) Therefore, God exists.
358. ARGUMENT FROM ALL BAD THINGS
1) Throughout the history of Christianity, a supposed
all-loving God has allowed bad things to happen.
2) Christians looked for comfort from God for these bad
things.
3) The more bad things happen, the more Christians look for
comfort from the all-loving God.
4) Therefore, God exists.
359. ARGUMENT FROM REDEFINITION OF ATHEISM
1) Atheists say they don't believe in God.
2) They're lying -- "atheists" are actually those who worship
Satan because they want to indulge their sexual perversions.
3) Satan and his worshippers know that God exists.
4) Therefore, God exists.
360. ARGUMENT FROM SELF-LABELING
1) When I was an atheist, I knew that God existed, but I hated
him.
2) Of course I was an atheist!
3) I can call myself anything I like. You have no right to stop
me.
4) Therefore, atheists know that God exists.
5) Therefore, God exists.
361. ARGUMENT FROM NAZI DECEPTION
1) Hitler and his Nazis were atheists.
2) Yes, they fooled a lot of people into thinking they were
Christians. That was propaganda. They were atheists.
3) This proves that atheists are the masters of deception.
4) Revelation says that the antichrist will deceive people.
5) Therefore, God exists.
362. ARGUMENT FROM NAZI EVIL
1) Hitler and his Nazis were atheists.
2) I don't care what the historical evidence says about their
being Christians. Christians cannot be evil, and only atheists
would be capable of the Holocaust.
3) So Nazis, like all truly evil people, are atheists.
4) Therefore, all atheists are truly evil. They must be servants
of Satan.
5) Therefore, God exists.
363. ARGUMENT FROM DARWINIAN DIVINITY
1) Atheists are evolutionists who worship Darwin.
2) See, everyone needs to worship a god, even atheists.
3) Therefore, God exists.
364. ARGUMENT FROM BAD NEIGHBORS
1) My neighbor is always snooping through my garbage.
2) I prayed for something bad to happen to my neighbor.
3) Then my neighbor stuck his hand into a bear trap in my
garbage.
4) Therefore, God exists.
365. ARGUMENT FROM ANAL FRUSTRATION
1) God my ASS!!
2) My ass exists.
3) Therefore, God exists.
366. ARGUMENT FROM YOU ARE ALWAYS LOVED
1) You are always loved.
2) God invented love.
3) Therefore, God exists.
367. ARGUMENT FROM GOD WILL PROVIDE
1) I don't know what I'm going to do with my life.
2) But something always happens to sustain me. My parents
support me, I find a job, etc. God provides!
3) No, it's NOT the actions of the humans themselves! How could
you think that?"
4) Therefore, God exists.
368. ARGUMENT FROM NOT CONTRADICTING SUPERNATURALISM
1) Science can give evidence for the existence of God.
2) At the points where it doesn't, scientists should just shut
up.
3) Therefore, no evidence against God will ever be
developed.
4) Therefore, God exists.
369. ARGUMENT FROM DON'T BE IMPRISONED BY YOUR OWN LOGIC
1) You could see the beauty of God if you would just open your
eyes.
2) God won't show himself to a person who has his eyes closed,
you know.
3) Logic can keep you from God, but only if you let it.
4) Therefore, God exists.
370. ARGUMENT FROM LEFT TURN OUT OF McDONALDS
1) A lady in an SUV with cell phone to her head pulls out of
McD's with no concept of oncoming traffic.
2) A frustrated motorist yells "Jesus Christ!"
3) Therefore, God exists.
371. ARGUMENT FROM EAR SHAPE
1) A drunken twentyish guy pontificates about ear shape and
evolutionary processes.
2) His girlfriend rebuts his assertion and proclaims intelligent
design.
3) She's cute, so he's not going to argue with her.
4) Therefore, God exists.
372. ARGUMENT FROM M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN
1) Mel Gibson is a reverend whose wife is horribly killed, and
he loses his faith.
2) The Earth is suddenly attacked, his family is terrorized, he
loses two pets, and many people across the globe presumably
die.
3) An alien grabs and terrorizes his son, injecting him with a
poison. But with the help of said son's asthma, and the last
words of his dead wife, he gets lucky and the kid doesn't quite
die.
4) Therefore, God exists.
4a) And don't you dare stop believing in him -- otherwise, he
might try to restore your faith by scaring the hell out of
you.
373. ARGUMENT FROM INCOHERENCY
1) You have to have faith!
2) [atheist: How do you define faith?]
3) You know . . . Faith!
4) [atheist: No, I don't know. Please enlighten me.]
5) You do so have faith! You're just trying to confuse me!
6) Therefore, God exists.
374. ARGUMENT FROM YOU'RE TOO NICE
1) You're too nice to be an atheist.
2) Therefore you can't be an atheist. You must believe in
God.
3) [atheist: Actually, no . . .]
4) I'm not listening! LA LA LA LA LA!
5) Therefore, God exists. To infinity.
375. ARGUMENT FROM DAN QUAYLE
2) Gode Exists.
376. ARGUMENT FROM BILL CLINTON
1) The existence of God depends on your definition of the word
"of."
2) Therefore, God exists.
377. ARGUMENT FROM JOHNNY COCHRAN
1) If God exist, you must acquist!
2) Therefore, God exist.
378. ARGUMENT FROM GEORGE W. BUSH
1) That god won't hunt.
2) Y'all.
3) Ergo, um, axle of evil, ahh, claridify, umm,
supportification, ah, pretzel.
3) Y'all.
4) What he said.
5) Therefore, God existifies.
2) Launch.
379. GODEL'S ARGUMENT
1) Any proof of God's existence will always be incomplete.
2) Therefore, Godel exists.
380. MINIMALISTIC ARGUMENT
1) God
381. ARGUMENT FROM PLUMBER
1) Therefore, God exists.
2) That'll be five hundred dollars.
382. ARGUMENT FROM THE SOUP NAZI
1) If God exists, he will stand in line like everybody
else.
2) That's it! No soup for you!
3) Therefore, God exists.
383. ARGUMENT FROM GOD'S MOTHER
1) You never call.
2) Mr. Bigshot, too important to call his own mother.
3) I might as well not exist. *sniff*
4) And if I don't exist . . .
5) [God quickly calls his mother]
6) Therefore, God exists.
6a) Now let me materialize a nice hot cup of chicken soup . .
.
384. ARGUMENT FROM CLASSIFIED ADS
1) Suprmdl sks lv-in bdygrd. 1 bdrm apt.
2) Thr4 Gd xsts.
385. ARGUMENT FROM DAUGHTER
1) Can I have twenty bucks?
2) I HATE you!
3) Can you take me to the mall?
4) There IS a God!
386. ARGUMENT FROM SON
1) God made me do it.
2) Therefore, God exists.
387. ARGUMENT FROM SPOUSE
1) If you are still on that damned computer, God help you!
2) Therefore, God exists.
388. ARGUMENT FROM LONG SILENCE
1) God exists.
2) [atheist explains why he doesn't]
3) [long silence]
4) [atheist forgets about the argument and goes home]
5) Therefore, God exists.
389. ARGUMENT FROM FOOD CHAIN
1) Humans are right at the top of the food chain.
2) God made it this way.
3) Therefore, God exists.
390. ARGUMENT FROM UNDERSTANDING
1) You're not meant to understand.
2) Therefore, God exists.
391. ARGUMENT FROM ALIENS
1) Everyone knows that aliens don't exist.
2) Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.
3) Oh, but God's different!
4) Therefore, God exists.
392. ARGUMENT FROM SURVIVAL OF THE STUPID
1) Norman and Jason have been posting for a couple of years
now.
2) And yet, there's no possible way that anyone THAT stupid
could survive more than an hour without supernatural
assistance.
3) It's a miracle!
4) Therefore, God exists.
393. ARGUMENT FROM DESTRUCTIVE CAPABILITY
1) The U.S. has the firepower to slaughter as many third world
people as it wants.
2) The U.S. uses that firepower regularly.
3) Of course, America's firepower and willingness to use it are
God's will.
4) Therefore, God exists.
394. ARGUMENT FROM HUME (BRITT, NOT DAVID)
1) If Osama bin Laden is still alive, then Dubya's war on
terrorism has thus far failed.
2) I can't wrap my mind around the idea that the war has been a
failure, even in part.
3) Therefore, we must interpret the fact that we haven't seen
any new bin Laden tapes for a while as conclusive proof that bin
Laden is dead.
4) Therefore, God exists.
395. ARGUMENT FROM JESUS LOVES ME
1) Jesus loves me because the Bible says so.
2) If radiometric dating is valid, then Jesus might not love me
after all because the Bible might not be literal truth.
3) That's unacceptable.
4) Therefore, radiometric dating is bogus, the Bible is
literally true, Jesus loves me, and God exists.
396. ARGUMENT FROM THE LOTTERY
1) Thousands of people in New York were murdered by terrorists
on 9/11/01
2) The winning New York lottery numbers on 9/11/02 were 911.
3) Therefore, God exists.
397. ARGUMENT FROM AMBROSIA
1) Mountain Dew is the nectar of the Gods.
2) But God does not condone polytheism. And God knows best.
3) Therefore, God exists.
398. ARGUMENT FROM HEISENBERG UNCERTAINTY
1) The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle (HUP) states that the
location or the movement of a particle can be known, but not
simultaneously.
2) But God knows everything.
3) Therefore, the HUP is false.
4) Therefore, God exists.
399. ARGUMENT FROM PULP FICTION
1) God CAME down from heaven, and stopped those bullets.
2) Therefore, God exists.
400. ARGUMENT FROM VOLTAIRE
1) Voltaire said, "If God didn't exist, it would be necessary to
invent him."
2) I concur.
3) Therefore, God exists
401. ARGUMENT FROM NIETZSCHE
1) Nietzsche said, "The only excuse for God is that he doesn't
exist."
2) Not true. God's got PLENTY of excuses.
3) Therefore, God exists.
402. ARGUMENT FROM FIGHT CLUB
1) We are God's unwanted children.
2) Therefore, God exists.
403. ARGUMENT FROM BASELESS CLAIM
1) If you can show _______, then that would be evidence
against God's existence.
2) If you can't fill in that blank with some criteria, then the
statement that there is a God seems to be without content, since
no matter what the evidence was, you would still believe in a
God.
3) That's right.
4) Therefore, God exists.
404. ARGUMENT FROM COMPLEXITY
1) That which is complex has a creator.
2) The universe is complex.
3) Only God is complex enough to create the universe.
4) Therefore, God exists.
405. ARGUMENT FROM SOME JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES AT PERCHANCE'S DOOR
(ULTRA-CONDENSED VERSION)
1) Russia was atheistic.
2) But Russia collapsed.
3) Therefore, God exists.
406. ARGUMENT FROM 2+2=4
1) 2+2=4
2) Think about how improbable that is.
3) If the universe were left to random chance, 2+24 would
probably not equal 4.
4) Instead, it might be equal to -43, or 7,894,321,695,844, or
something else.
5) Only God could make 2+2=4.
6) Therefore, God exists.
407. ARGUMENT FROM FERMAT
1) My proof is so big it doesn't fit into the margins.
2) Therefore, God exists.
408. ARGUMENT FROM INTUITION
1) Democritus, and the writers of creation myths, and correct
intuitions that there are atoms, and the world had not existed
forever, respectively.
2) Therefore, intuition in general is reliable.
3) My intuition tells me that God exists.
4) Therefore, God exists.
409. ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF AN ARGUMENT (I)
1) Well . . .
2) Um . . .
3) You see . . .
4) Um . . .
5) Therefore, God exists.
410. ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF AN ARGUMENT (II)
1) I don't have an argument for God.
2) My lack of an argument makes me morally superior to you
atheists.
3) This indicates a baseline standard of morality that must have
been derived from God.
4) MY GOD!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! *coughcough* Ouchies . .
.
5) Therefore, God exists.
411. ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF AN ARGUMENT (III)
1) No, I WASN'T arguing!
2) WAS NOT!
3) What do you mean, I'm arguing now?
4) WHAT!?!?!?
5) [see argument #32 for further details]
6) Therefore, God exists.
412. ARGUMENT FROM LENGTH
1) Here is a 200 page document, all in one giant paragraph,
that proves God's existence.
2) You didn't refute the third argument on page 167.
3) Therefore, God exists.
413. TERCEL'S ARGUMENT FROM MYTH GESTATION TIME
1) The gospels were written X amount of time after the events
they describe.
2) It takes longer than X for mythological content to be added
to writings about people.
3) [atheist points out examples of myths popping up about events
after periods much shorter than X, even "living legends" who had
myths circulate them during their own lifetime.]
4) Oh, those are just exceptions to the rule!
5) Therefore, God exists.
414. ARGUMENT FROM McCARTHY
1) All atheists are commies.
2) You're not a commie, are you?
3) Therefore, God exists.
415. ETERNAL'S ARGUMENT FROM GENITALIA
1) I have a penis.
2) I can pee and ejaculate with it.
3) Therefore, God exists.
416. ARGUMENT FROM EXPERIENCE
1) You're too young.
2) You haven't yet experienced life's absurdity.
3) You'll grow up.
4) Therefore, God exists.
417. ARGUMENT FROM UNANSWERED QUESTIONS
1) Life is full of important questions.
2) I need God to answer them.
3) No, I'm NOT jumping on the first bogus answer people have
been feeding me with!
4) Therefore, God exists.
418. ARGUMENT FROM CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM
1) I like chocolate ice cream.
2) I opened my freezer, and behold, there was chocolate ice
cream in it.
3) God is so nice with all his little attentions!
4) Therefore, God exist.
419. ARGUMENT FROM MISDEFINITION OF A RELIGION
1) You don't want to be an evolutionist, do you?
2) [atheist explains that evolution is a scientific theory, not
a religion]
3) But you believe in it.
4) That means you support Social Darwinism.
5) And that's just yucky.
6) I don't want to be yucky, so I can't support evolution.
7) But I need some explanation for the origin of life.
8) [atheist: Evolution has nothing to do with--]
9) Therefore, God exists.
420. ARGUMENT FROM ACCEPTANCE SPEECHES
1) First of all, I'd like to thank my lord and savior, Jesus
Christ.
2) [shout out to all my homies in the balcony]
3) I couldn't have done this without Jesus.
4) Therefore, God exists.
421. ARGUMENT FROM QUOTE MINING
1) Here is an irrelevant quote by Stephen Jay Gould that
proves that evolution is wrong.
2) [atheist: Uhhh, that quote is a bit out of context. Actually,
if you read the whole page from which the quote is taken, you'll
see that--]
3) Since evolution is wrong, Creationism is true.
4) Therefore, God exists.
422. ARGUMENT FROM IDIOTS AT THE DOOR
1) Hello, we would like to talk about God--
2) GET THE HELL OFF MY PROPERTY!!!
3) Therefore, God exists.
423. ARGUMENT FROM SNOTTY BRITISH BIOLOGIST
1) Richard Dawkins ridicules religion in some of his
books.
2) Therefore, God exists.
424. ARGUMENT FROM OPENING OF MOUTH
1) If you talk about something, that means it actually
exists.
2) God.
3) Odin.
4) Nah-uh.
5) Therefore, God exists.
425. ARGUMENT FROM JOAN OF ARC
1) I found a sword in a field.
2) Therefore, God exists.
426. ARGUMENT FROM STUDENT PAPERS
1) I'm writing my paper at the last minute.
2) I know I should have done it two weeks ago, when I first knew
about the paper, but I was busy.
3) I pray that God will help me get it done by morning.
4) Yay! It's done!
5) Who cares that it's not nearly as good as it could have been
if I'd spent several days on it?
6) Thank you, Lord!
7) Therefore, God exists.
427. ARGUMENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE'S REALITY
1) I have experienced God.
2) Other people have not.
3) Poor people. There is something wrong with their perception
of reality.
4) Therefore, God exists.
428. ARGUMENT FROM STUDENT PAPERS (II)
1) This author is stupid bitch.
2) Therefore, God exists.
429. ARGUMENT FROM "OFFICE SPACE"
1) PC Load Letter, what the hell is that?
2) Someone must know what it means.
3) Michael Bolton doesn't know (and he's smart).
4) God would know.
5) Therefore, God exists.
430. ARGUMENT FROM "AMERICAN BEAUTY" (I)
1) This bag was swirling around in the wind.
2) Therefore, God exists.
431. ARGUMENT FROM "AMERICAN BEAUTY" (II)
1) Thora Birch.
2) Therefore, God exists.
432. ARGUMENT FROM THE TGE PROJECT
1) The TGE Project's list has gone on far longer than any
reasonable person would expect.
2) Therefore, God exists.
433. ARGUMENT FROM KEVIN BACON
1) Kevin Bacon is haunting my dorm.
2) He keeps rattling and scratching at my door at night.
3) I prayed to Jebus, and Kevin Bacon hasn't broken down my door
yet.
4) Therefore, God exists.
434. ARGUMENT FROM MY FAVORITE SONG ON THE RADIO
1) I was listening to the radio, and I started thinking about
my favorite song.
2) Then my favorite song started playing on the radio!
3) God must have heard my thoughts!
4) Therefore, God exists.
435. ARGUMENT FROM THE FORCE
1) Dude, the Force is totally a metaphor for God!
2) What do you mean that doesn't prove anything? It's Star
Wars!
3) Therefore, God exists.
436. ARGUMENT FROM I WAS A SICK SON OF A BITCH
1) When I was an atheist, I smoked crack, robbed gas stations,
raped prostitutes, and stole candy from babies.
2) When I found Jesus, I stopped doing that stuff.
3) Therefore, God exists.
437. ARGUMENT FROM INTELLIGENT WEB DESIGN
1) The AIG website is too complex to have arisen by
chance.
2) Therefore it was intelligently designed.
3) Therefore, the designers are intelligent, so we can trust
what they say.
4) They say God exists.
5) Therefore, God exists.
438. ARGUMENT FROM UNINTELLIGENT WEB DESIGN
1) The AIG website is too complex to have arisen by
chance.
2) Therefore it was intelligently designed.
3) Creationists are not intelligent, so it must have been
God.
4) Therefore, God exists.
439. ARGUMENT FROM CONTRADICTION
1) Assume that God exists.
2) The atheist claims that God doesn't exist.
3) But since this contradicts the original assumption, the
atheist must be wrong.
4) Therefore, God exists.
440. ARGUMENT FROM MESSED UP TRINITARIAN REASONING
1) God is three.
2) Three's a crowd.
3) A crowd consists of people.
4) People exist.
5) Therefore, God exists.
441. THE INEVITABLE ARGUMENT FROM HOMER SIMPSON
1) Doh!
2) Therefore, God exists.
442. ARGUMENT FROM "24"
1) The following takes place between 9:00 PM and 10:00 PM on
the day of the California Presidential Primary.
2) [Christian spends an hour "witnessing"]
3) Therefore, God exists.
443. ARGUMENT FROM POT
1) Everything on Earth is here for people to use.
2) Weed makes you feel really good.
3) Therefore, God exists.
444. ARGUMENT FROM TASTY ANIMALS
1) If we weren't meant to eat animals, they wouldn't be made
of meat.
2) Animals are made of meat.
3) Therefore, God meant us to eat them.
4) Therefore, God exists.
4a) . . . and he wants me to eat your cow.
445. ELRIC'S ARGUMENT FROM QUICK DEATH(TM)
!) The Bible is full of mass murdering, infant slaying,
child-killing bastards that claim to do God's work.
2) Personally, I would rather die a quick death at the hands of
a madman than a slow one. Wouldn't you?
3) Therefore, God exists.
?
446. ARGUMENT FROM HOMOSEXUALS
1) If God created us as in Adam and Eve, then there would not
be homosexuals.
2) Therefore, all homosexuals are really straight people just
pretending to be gay.
3) Therefore, God exists.
447. ARGUMENT FROM ABSURDITY
1) Let's imagine that God doesn't exist.
2) That's absurd.
3) Therefore, God exists.
448. ARGUMENT FROM BULLY
1) I say God exists.
2) If you don't believe me, I'll punch you in the face.
3) Therefore, God exists.
449. ARGUMENT FROM RANDOM COUNTERPOINT
1) God doesn't exist.
2) Or does he . . .?
3) Therefore, God exists.
450. ARGUMENT FROM ASSHOLE
1) God exists, asshole.
2) Therefore, God exists. Asshole.
451. AUDREY MEYER'S ARGUMENT FROM IGNORANCE
1) Ignorance runs rampant.
2) Therefore, God exists.
452. ARGUMENT FROM STAR TREK (II)
1) The makers of Star Trek presented the view that human life
was planted by aliens.
2) They did this because they knew that life emerging from
elementary particles was improbable.
3) But this only delays the answer to the problem of origins.
4) Easy answer: God did it.
5) Therefore, God exists.
453. ARGUMENT FROM GRATUITOUS SUFFERING (JOB 19:25's
ARGUMENT)
1) A doctor I knew didn't believe in God.
2) He saw children dying of cancer.
3) They said they saw angels right before they passed away.
4) He became convinced.
5) Therefore, God exists.
454. ARGUMENT FROM PORN
1) Atheists are immoral wretches who approve perversions such
as incest.
2) Just look at porn.
3) Don't you watch Howard Stern? All porn stars are
atheists!
4) You bunch of perverts. Repent!
5) Therefore, God exists.
455. ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL EMPLOYMENT
1) The other day I was praying about what kind of job I should
take.
2) Then I picked up the paper and read an article that mentioned
the name of a popular donut shop. For some reason I felt "led" to
go apply there. When I arrived, I felt a bit uneasy, but then I
noticed one car parked out front -- the 3 letters on the license
plate were my exact initials in order. And the store van had the
number 333 on it!
3) They weren't hiring, but therefore, God exists anyway.
456. ARGUMENT FROM GILDA RADNER
1) What's all this fuss I hear about whether God exits?
2) Well of course he does!
3) If I'm going to go somewhere else, I have to exit this
room.
4) And God's been everywhere, so he must have done a lot of
exiting.
5) Therefore, God exits.
6) [told that debate is whether God exists.]
7) Oh. That's different. Never mind.
457. ARGUMENT FROM MATHEMATICIANS
1) We humans are living beings, and thus biological.
2) Biology is based on biochemistry.
3) All biochemistry is chemistry.
4) Chemistry is based on physics.
5) Physics is based on mathematics.
6) Therefore, everything is mathematical, including us.
7) Polls show that, of all scientists, mathematicians are most
likely to believe in God.
8) Therefore, God exists.
458. ARGUMENT FROM PENIS ENLARGEMENT
1) I became a born-again Christian when I was 12.
2) Since then, my penis has grown about 2 inches.
3) Hence, belief in God enlarges your penis.
4) Therefore, God exists.
459. ARGUMENT FROM CONSEQUENCES OF THE ABSURD (THE MOST
IRREFUTABLE ARGUMENT)
1) Suppose God didn't exist.
2) Then he wouldn't have made the universe.
3) And he wouldn't have spread his word.
4) And he wouldn't have sent his own son to sacrifice himself
for mankind.
5) But the universe does exist.
6) And the Bible is spread all over the world.
7) And Jesus did die.
8) Therefore, God exists.
460. VANDERZYDEN'S ARGUMENT FROM SECRET KNOWLEDGE
1) There is overwhelming evidence for the existence of
God.
2) No, I'm not going to tell you what it is.
3) The only possible explanation for your lack of knowledge is
that you haven't studied enough.
4) Or maybe your atheistic presupposition is blinding you to the
truth.
5) But trust me -- it's overwhelming.
6) It's so overwh